


In Your Arms

by Cheap_Plastic_Bouncy_Ball



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Falling In Love, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-01-04 01:16:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12158631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheap_Plastic_Bouncy_Ball/pseuds/Cheap_Plastic_Bouncy_Ball
Summary: In his arms his embrace and strength welcome me.In them I lost myself to a world where the pain could not reach me.Night after night he lives in this world where nightmares are distant at the mere reflection of his presence.In his arms I had protection, shelter and comfort.In his arms, my heart broken with the hard marks of agony, was filled.It was in his embrace that I found peace from my tumultuous thoughts.In your arms I want to live.-----Original Language:Em seus braços senti seu abraço sua força me acolher.Neles eu me perdi em um mundo onde a dor não podia me alcançar.Noite após noite vive nesse mundo onde os pesadelos eram distantes com o simples reflexão da sua presença.Em seus braços tive proteção, amparo e conforto.Em seus braços meu coração se refez das duras marcas da agonia.Foi no teu abraço que encontrei a paz para meus pensamentos tumultuados.Em teus braços que quero viver.Title and summary/poem thanks to: Patrícia Abreu





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have been away for awhile. I have been too depressed to write. Hopefully I can find the will to do so again and finish the fics I've started. 
> 
> I know this story is heavy handed on the angst. It mirrors my emotions I suppose. Or maybe I just like making Thranduil the woobie. Any comments are appreciated.

In the months after losing her dwarve Tauriel had become like a wraith drifting through Thranduil's halls. Slipping in and out of the shadows in worn slippers whose light steps even the sharp ears of her fellow elves failed to hear.

It was as if she barely existed. She was not seen and if she was then it was as a flash out of the corner of an eye or a wayward breeze brushing curtains or making the chimes dance.

Her voice was the sigh of the wind through the caves or the rustle of leaves in the ancient trees. She had faded without dying and very few of her people noticed. Thranduil assumed that was the way she wished it to be.

But, he knew she was there. He kept his door open to her in the hope that as before when he had personally seen to her care in the early days of her sorrow, when she was still vibrant with life, though raw with emotion; he would wake to find her curled in his arms.

Thranduil had often woke to his chest and hair damp with her tears and his long empty heart full of love for her. He knew he had not always loved her thus, but he did now and as much as it hurt to feel love again, he cherished it.

In those sorrow filled first days he gloried in her as she kept company his lonely soul. She was the orange and gold of Autumn leaves. She was the dewy grass of a chill Spring mornings. She a cool pool of sweet water on a hot Summer day. She was the bitter sweet cold of a cloudless Winter night filled with starlight. She was everything he needed for all these long years and he was unafraid to allow himself to feel.

He knew better than anyone else how difficult it was to overcome the savage torment of loss and grief. Worse, he knew the sting of guilt - of all the what ifs which tortured one's heart. He knew what it was to have one's soul torn asunder; and yet, he could not reach her.

She eventually slipped from his grasp and came to him no more. Vanishing like the stars at dawn. If he had not truly loved her he would have found a way to force her to remain. She had unknowingly gave him the gift peace and comfort he had been lacking for far too long and he craved her presence.

Her leave taking was met with his usual pragmatism as he fought his complaining heart. She was not his to keep. It was with a note that she had told him farewell. He hoped that her means of parting was because in her heart she wished to stay and facing him would weaken her resolve to leave.

She still wandered his halls from time to time, though he knew she had made her home far to the north near the edge of his kingdom. If he was lucky, or unlucky if he were in a foul mood; he would catch a glimpse of her on a bridge, in a shadowed little niche in the training grounds, or watching from the highest branches of the trees. Most of the time, rather than being pained, he found himself heartened by those brief glimpses. She lived and that was enough. Even as her king, he had no right to ask for more.

He promised himself that if she ever ventured close enough that he would touch her. He wouldn't hold back his feelings and he would kiss her as he had longed to do on the mornings when he woke with her still asleep beside him wrapped in his arms.

Would her lips be as sweet and warm as he imagined? Warm peaches, honey, and cloves? Or would they be cold and unyielding like winter's icy breath? He wished that he had touched them at least once, even if in only chaste comfort.

Sometimes his heart would seize in his chest and his breath would catch at the thought of her coming to him and then he would chastise himself for thinking like a foolish ellon. His many thousands of years wandering through his own halls told him there were precious few happy endings. Were his own losses not proof that all ends met with sorrow?

Thranduil had to be honest with himself. She had a reason to hate him. She would not love him in return. She was gone from his life for all time, if not his kingdom. His heart disagreed and would not let go of hope. He resigned himself to the bittersweet torture, knowing that eventually all would fade.

And yet, he still kept a door open for her and a candle alight. Hope refused to be extinguished.

\---

"Ada?" Legolas asked his father whose attention had drifted and settled somewhere across the room. Legolas turned to see what had caught his father's intense scrutiny but saw nothing.

Thranduil blinked then turned his attention back to his son. "What were you saying?"

Legolas' eyebrows furrowed. "Elrond asked me to question you about answering his letters and of the book he sent but your attention drifted. Is something wrong?"

"No," Thranduil answered then resisted the urge to sigh. He hadn't caught such a clear sight of Tauriel in over a year and he swore she was standing in the doorway just now. He shook his head and Legolas continued to frown at him.

"I do not answer Elrond's letters because I have no answers for his incessant questions and I do not care for the book he sent," Thranduil said. "Your visits are too few and too short for us to waste time talking about Elrond. Tell me how you have been?"

This was Legolas' third visit since the battle and his initial leaving. Thranduil had done all he could to bring reconciliation between himself and his son. He had written letter after letter, humbling himself. He apologized for his arrogance, for his distance, for his failings as a father.

Finally, Legolas returned to Mirkwood though he did not stay long. He visited once more the following summer and again and again for several years and here he was again much to Thranduil's pleasure.

They now spoke as equals and Thranduil conceded that it was good for his son to see the world; he had matured and grown in ways that he would not have under his protection. It was difficult to let him go, but Thranduil also understood that it was a parent's plight, to let children walk away into their own lives. To cling to them would make them root bound and stunt their growth and so he Legolas go.

On each visit they had spoken into the small hours of the morning. Thranduil finally telling of his wife, Legolas' mother, and answered many painful questions. He told Legolas of his own father, of growing up in Doriath, and the battles he fought.

Legolas gloried him with tales of heroic battles with orcs and stories of his commeraderie with Elrond's sons and rangers from the north. There was one subject they avoided, dancing around her as a forbidden topic. Tauriel.

Thranduil sometimes wondered if Legolas thought of her at all. Did he wonder what had happened to his once dear friend? Thranduil knew Legolas had loved Tauriel, but he seemed to forget her so easily that he wondered if his son's emotions had been real if or if they had formed out of propinquity. It was not a matter he wished to speak of anyway. He would rather bring up the bloody and brutal moments when he lost Legolas' mother and the straight forward sting of sorrow and loss he understood than speak of Tauriel.

He brought his wine to his lips and looked again toward the movement in the door way. The cup trembled in his grasp and he was forced to put it down as his breath caught.

"What is it?" Legolas asked as he watched the color drain from his father's face. He turned and looked over his shoulder to see Tauriel standing in the doorway. He stood immediately to face her though words had failed him.

"My Lord Legolas," she said then bowed before looking at Thranduil. "My king, may I enter?" She bowed again and Thranduil found the grace to simply nod his head to her as if she were any other subject interrupting his time with Legolas.

"Tauriel," Legolas finally said as he moved toward her, his eyes shining with emotion. "I heard tell that you..." He paused and shook his head then turned to look at his father, his eyes filled with pain and confusion and questions Thranduil could not answer.

"Perhaps I should go," she said as she cast her gaze to the floor.

"No," Thranduil said as he to stood. He found that his knees were weak as he walked around the table toward her. "You are as welcome as ever. Come sit. Let me pour you a drink."

Tauriel took a few steps forward then looked over her shoulder toward the door. Thranduil held his breath, certain she was going to vanish. It took all of his self control to keep from reaching out to her. Instead, he poured her a glass of wine and placed it before at an empty seat at the table.

"Are you hungry?" he asked. "Legolas and I were about to have dinner."

Tauriel shook her head as she moved forward a few more steps and finally said. "I don't wish to intrude long upon your reunion."

"You're not intruding at all," Legolas said quickly as he closed the final distance between them. He reached out and took her hand. "I-I thought you were.. I heard you had..," he couldn't finish the sentence nor could he take his eyes from her face nor could Thranduil.

"You thought had I died," Tauriel completed the statement as she held Legolas' gaze.

"Or faded or sailed to the west," Legolas told her as he continued to hold her hand.

Tauriel shook her head. "I have no desire to ever leave these lands, My Lord Legolas. The forest is my home and my occupation is tending Kili's tomb in Erebor. As long as they both remain, so shall I."

Thranduil closed his eyes as his heart sank down to the pit of his stomach. And there he was. Kili. He knew he should be grateful to the long dead dwarf that he provided an incentive for her to live, but the bitterness of jealousy and the desire that her hold on life be for him, for her king, and no other reason kept his heart from softening toward the dwarve.

"How is everyone in Erebor?" Legolas asked too cheerfully. Thranduil could hear the pain in his son's voice and he shared in it. Damned dwarves.

Tauriel shook her head. "I hardly know. They do not acknowledge me nor I them. They do not speak to me when I am there. I do not know if it is because of my stealth or if they do not wish to see me. If it is the latter, the feelings are mutual."

"Where have you made your home?" Legolas asked.

Tauriel smiled and shook her head. "I have carved out a little place for myself in the forest. I have a spring that provides a clear pool and a little brook from which I fish. It is farther to the north where the spiders and orcs are seldom seen."

"And you come here for supplies?" Legolas questioned as his hands continued to cradle hers.

"I mostly trade with the men of Dale and I come to see friends," Tauriel answered as she pulled her hands from Legolas' grasp and sat at the table. "I arrived this morning and heard that you were visiting so I thought to visit. How have you been Legolas?"

Thranduil closed his eyes for a moment as he tried to calm his racing heart. He should leave and let them have time together. She wasn't here for him. She was here for Legolas. Jealousy ate at his heart like corrosive acid and suddenly the wine he had drank earlier was no longer settling so warmly in his belly.

"I shall leave you to become reacquainted," Thranduil interrupted. Both Legolas and Tauriel turned their attention to him.

Tauriel attempted to stand but he put his hand on her shoulder. "You intrude on nothing," he told her gently as he reluctantly walked to the door.

"Thank you, Ada," Legolas said. Thranduil simply nodded. He could not bring himself to look at Legolas for fear his son would be able to read his feelings.

"If you need me, you know where I will be found," he said without looking back. "That invitation extends to you as well, Tauriel."

"My Lord," was her reply before he fled the room.

\---

Thranduil did not hear from either Tauriel or his son until late the next afternoon when Legolas, cheerful and relaxed, appeared as court ended. Thranduil knew then that Tauriel would not seek him out, and though he wasn't surprised, he was disappointed.

"Good afternoon," Legolas told his father. His demeanor was far more relaxed than it had been before and Thranduil resisted the urge to question his son.

"How does the day find you, Ion nin?" Thranduil asked as he folded his hands in his robes as Legolas walked beside him.

Legolas smiled and took a deep breath. "I find myself at a peace that I had lost since that dire autumn. Tauriel lives and better yet she tells me she never held a grudge for my leaving, though she should. It would have been better had I stayed to comfort her rather than running off to lick my own wounds."

Thranduil swallowed hard. "She told me you saved her life in battle." Of course he did not mention how many times Tauriel had cursed Legolas for not letting her die beside Kili.

"I did, but I then abandoned her to her sorrow, so did I really save her? I hear tell that it was you who gave her comfort in those first days." Legolas put his hand on his father's arm. "I don't know how to thank you for that, Ada."

The smile Thranduil gave his son was brittle and instead of saying something he might regret such as, "I didn't save her for you, Legolas," he simply nodded his head and gestured for Legolas to follow him into his private rooms. Thankfully, they spoke no more upon the matter of Tauriel.

\---

Thranduil looked up from the book he was reading in bed to the sound of his door opening and closing. He sat up as Tauriel crept tentatively closer to his bed.

"The candle was lit," she said. "I took that to mean I was welcome. Am I wrong?"

Thranduil straighten himself and the blankets. "I told you once before that you are always welcome. Are you here to talk or are you here because you are having difficulty sleeping?

Tauriel walked to the side of the bed she had often occupied in the early days of loss and sat. "I only sleep if I must. It is a very rare occurrence as my sleep is not without nightmares, but I am here to talk."

Thranduil closed the book he held and put it on the table beside the bed. "Then speak," he told her.

Tauriel chewed on her lower lip as she focused her gaze on the portrait on the wall of Thranduil's wife. She took a few deep breaths then said, "I have grown weary of being alone, My Lord. Kili would not have wanted me to live like this."

"You are returning to my halls then?" Thranduil asked as his shoulders tensed.

"No," Tauriel answered and he closed his eyes and let his shoulders drop.

"Then where are you going?" Thranduil queried. He couldn't take his eyes off her as she bowed her head.

She took another deep breath and turned her gaze toward him and he took the opportunity to memorize her face. Perhaps she was not the most beautiful of all elves but to him her beauty was unparalleled. He ached to commit her visage to paper had he the means and time to do so.

"Legolas has asked that I come live with him in Rivendell," she said. "To allow him to court me."

Thranduil swallowed the jagged painful lump forming in his throat. "What answer did you give?"

"That I needed to ask your permission," Tauriel replied. "He said that your feelings on the matter were irrelevant that he lives his own life and makes his own choices. But, you are my king and friend. I could not move forward without your approval."

The lump in Thranduil's throat had lodged itself in the vicinity of his heart and twisted and bit so painfully that he was forced to put his hand on his chest. He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Legolas is correct. I have no say over your decisions, Tauriel. Both you and Legolas are free to do as you choose."

"Then you do not object?"

"Do you wish me to?" Thranduil asked. Tauriel dashed away his quick jolt of hope by shaking her head.

"I do love Legolas," Tauriel began. "Perhaps I will learn to love him as he loves me, given time."

"Yes," Thranduil replied softly. "Given time."

Tauriel held his gaze for a few moments longer before smiling slightly. "Thank you, My Lord," she finally said. "For all you have given me, as undeserving as I have been."

"It was my pleasure," Thranduil replied as he searched her face. "And you were as deserving as anyone else. Perhaps more so..." He wanted to say more but held his tongue.

He clenched his fists as Tauriel stood and straightened her clothing. "Then I should be off to tell Legolas. I will leave with him in a few days."

"Yes," Thranduil replied. It was the best he could do, for words failed him.

"Thank you again," Tauriel told him and he shook his head and watched her walk across the room.

"You are a good king," Tauriel said as she opened the door then turned to look at him once more. "I was wrong to think otherwise. And there is love in you, Thranduil. I'm sorry I thought otherwise."

Thranduil dared not speak another word as he inclined his head toward her. She bowed to him then left the room, shutting the door as she went.

He waited until he was sure she was gone then leaned forward, allowing his tears to fall down his face. He had not shed tears since his wife's passing and he would not again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am continuing this at the request of Lordienne who felt this was more than a one shot. I do agree and I thought of many ways this could go and decided on taking the advice I was given.
> 
> Please forgive me as I take many liberties with Tolkien lore. 
> 
> I have fiddled with this chapter a great deal and I don't know that I'll ever be entirely happy with it. I will likely come back and edit it again and again as I've a propensity for doing. The first chapter has already been amended in order to accommodate the extension of this story.
> 
> Edit: 1/11/18 and again 2/16/18 and yet again 7/17/18

 

The shadows of Mirkwood had grown twisted and infected with darkness in the many years since the battle between the dwarves, elves, men and orcs; making the the elf path to the forest gate treacherous. Legolas did not wish to risk an ambush by orc or spiders traveling to Rivendell alone with Tauriel - though he was certain she could hold her own in battle if need be.

He had trained at her side for hundreds of years after all and he knew they worked well together. But, there was a spark missing in her gaze which bade him to seek to protect her rather than force her into battle. And so it was that he sent his father's quickest messenger to Rivendell asking for his friends to meet them near. Unbeknownst to him, Thranduil added a letter of his own to be delivered directly into Elrond's hands and had seen the messenger off himself. 

Legolas had expected Tauriel be to angry at him for not consulting her over their travel plans The headstrong elleth he had known would have expected to be consulted on such matters. She would have insisted that they could hold their own together and that their stealth would be enough to avoid the traps of the spiders and bands of orcs. The Tauriel who simply accepted his command was a mystery to him.

"I will bow to your better judgement," she told Legolas with a weak smile as she sat with in a candle lit corner of the great library a large book in her lap. Her passiveness left an ache in his heart and a yearning to heal the wounds of her fea with his love if she would only allow it. He had so much to give her. 

He smiled dreamily as he imagined spending time with her, singing her songs, and dancing beneath the stars. She could be made whole in Rivendell, he was certain of it.  
Thranduil did not speak of Tauriel when Legolas visited to run his plans past his father and he did not wish to bring her up. And though his father was as somber as ever, there was now a deeper sadness in his eyes. It pained Legolas that he could not ask for his father to confide in him. Though the rift between them was healing, Legolas could never imagine his father being willing to turn to him with his troubles.

"May your travels be swift and safe," Thranduil told Legolas as he stood and smoothed out his charcoal gray tunic. "And may you and... May you find the happiness which you seek." He lifted his head regally and looked down his nose at his son in a manner which had always made Legolas feel more like a subject than his son. Legolas held back the painful feeling warring in his heart. He knew his father's coldness was due to pain and not a lack of love, but it hurt nonetheless.

"What of you Adar?" Legolas found the courage to ask as his father walked to the side table which housed several carafes of wine.

"Worry not for me, Ion nin," Thranduil answered as he poured a glass of deepest red wine. "I shall endure." 

Legolas sighed he should have expected that word from his father. As always they would all endure and endure and Legolas was certain he could no longer endure enduring. "I would have you do more than simply endure, Ada. I would have you find a measure of peace and happiness." The thunderous look on Thranduil's face as he turned to his son silenced Legolas. 

"Please go with speed and be safe," Thranduil said and inclined his head in a gesture of finality he often used to dismiss his subjects. Legolas was left with nothing more to do other than bow and take his leave with an all too familiar bitterness in his heart. 

\-----

Thranduil leaned back against the chair in his study with his eyes closed as he took a break from writing correspondence when Galion walked in and laid another stack of letters before him.

"The influx of people needing aid or advice has been relentless," Thranduil said as he picked up the letters and began leafing through them, hoping to sort them in order of importance.

"It has," Galion agreed as he stood before Thranduil's desk. He folded his hands within his robes and looked at his king with sympathy.

"There is only so much I can do," Thranduil said, not noticing how Galion fidgeted as he waited for his king to look up. "Calling a yet another counsel should halt the flow a bit. Will you see to it?"

"Of course," Galion said then cleared his throat. "Legolas and Tauriel are set to leave early tomorrow morning. Will you be seeing them off?"

"No," Thranduil answered brusquely as he continued to shuffle through the stack of letters. "I have already offered my good wishes to them both. They do not need me there. Uron has taken an army to clear their way."

"Are you certain?" Galion asked softly then closed his mouth at the angry look Thranduil gave him. 

Thranduil opened his desk drawer as growled to himself before looking up at Galion. "If you are quite done trying to meddle in business which is not your own, perhaps you can see to the duties which are. I have but a few pages of parchment left in my desk and far too many letters to answer."

Galion let out a deep breath of frustration then bowed to Thranduil. "I will return with more supplies shortly. Do you have enough ink and pounce?"

"Yes," Thranduil answered as he picked up his pen, tapped it against the ink well, and tried to focus on the letter he'd been writing. "Now go. I have much to do and you're distracting me." He waited until Galion left before jamming his pen back into the ink well and leaning back in his chair.

It would be so easy to have Tauriel brought to him. She would stand before him as defiant as always, not fearing to meet his gaze as did most of his subjects. Even his own son dared not look him in the eye for long. 

She would say something impertinent and he would kneel on the ground and beg her to stay and never leave him again. He would confess to his feelings for her over the last eighty years and beg for her mercy and forgiveness for daring to break all the rules to fall in love with her. 

What would her reaction be? Would she laugh? Would she reject him forcefully or with gently, with pity in her eyes? He knew she would tell him that she could love no other than her most beloved Kili - And he would wish, as he had many times in the past, that he could kill the accursed dwarf himself over and over again.

Of course, he could really never make a confession of love to her, especially not now that Legolas' heart was set on courting her. Why had he agreed to such a thing? He grimaced and closed his eyes. No, he could not send for her. The most he would do was leave the candle outside his room burning in welcome and hope she would come to him one last time. It was a fruitless hope.

\----

 

Traveling away from Mirkwood tore at Tauriel's heart in ways she had not expected. She put her hand on her chest where she had stored Kili's rune in the little pocket of her undershirt then looked over her shoulder at the trees of the once great wood as they faded from sight.

  
"Are you well, Lady Tauriel?" one of her three traveling companions, Elladan or was in Elrohir? She could not as of yet tell them apart, asked.

"Thank you, yes," she replied then turned to see Legolas watching her. She gave him an encouraging smile which he returned with warmth as he moved to walk beside her.

"I understand a little of what you are feeling," he told her as he gave her a tender look as she tensed in surprise. "I too felt a sense of sadness when I left the wood knowing I would not be returning for a long time. There is a word for it."

"A word?" Tauriel asked then jolted slightly as Legolas' hand brushed against hers. She all she needed to do was turn her palm to allow him to grasp it. Instead, she drew away and placed it over her heart. 

"Homesickness," Legolas answered tenderly. "And as a Silvan I am certain the pangs you feel must be much worse than what I experienced when I first took my leave of their shelter." He sighed sadly as he took in the leaves dancing on the breeze.

"I'm sure that's exactly what it is," Tauriel said as she kept her hand on her chest. Her thoughts however were not on Kili. In her memory was the sight of her king standing at the gates as they departed. He had not been outwardly present to bid them safe journey, but he had been there all the same. 

She was certain at first he was there to see Legolas off. But then she met his gaze and held it until they passed through the gate. He gave her what she imagined was a slight smile of encouragement and a nod of his head in blessing and then he was gone. Tauriel hated herself for wanting to run after him like a starry eyed little child and beg him to take her home. 

In that moment if felt wrong to leave him, though she had already done so many years ago. Why did she yearn to return to the comfort of his presence after so many years of learning to live without it? Why did the look in his eyes make her hurt so deeply? And moreover why couldn't she just snuff the feelings out like she would a campfire?  
At the advice of his friends, Legolas left Tauriel to her own thoughts and feelings as they journeyed. It wasn't until they passed through the mountains and Rivendell was in sight that her companions became more animated and tried to draw her into their conversations.

"My father will be eager to meet with you right away," Elladan... or was it Elrohir? told her cheerfully. "He is not at all like your cold, dour king and he will be most pleased to have you under his care."

"You mean he will talk her ear off about Mirkwood and Thranduil if she will let him," Elrohir replied...or was it Elladan?  
Legolas smiled fondly at his friends then turned to Tauriel.

"He will love you almost as much as I do," Legolas said then looked away quickly as his cheeks colored as their two companions looked away from them, hiding their indulgent smiles.

"I hope," Tauriel began then took a deep breath. "I hope I do not disappoint." She didn't understand why Legolas' friends wanted to show her such difference by introducing her to their father, the lord of Rivendell. Perhaps it was because Legolas was courting her and that gave her a higher status in their eyes. Within herself she felt insignificant and unworthy of such an honor.

  
Legolas looked at her again, his eyes shining with emotion. "You will meet him and then you will understand." Tauriel began to nod her head in understanding then paused as the sound of singing carried on the wind wrapped itself around her in a feeling of peace.

  
"Welcome to Rivendell," Legolas told her, clearly happy as he took her hand and began leading her through the kingdom, which was wholly and completely unlike anything she had experienced before as the burden of shadow lifted from her shoulders leaving her feeling a little giddy and lightheaded like she had drank far too much Dorwinian wine.

\---

Elrond, who was sitting at his table in the library, looked up from his reading and the notes he was penning, to smile at Legolas as he approached with Tauriel lagging slightly behind him. The lord of Rivendell stood and shook his hands free of the blue sleeves of his robes and extended them toward the Mirkwood prince with a welcoming smile on his face.

"I am glad to see that your travels have brought you back safely, Legolas," Elrond said then looked at Tauriel expectantly. "And to see that you have brought a companion with you as well."

Legolas returned the smile and clasped hands with Elrond. "The journey was blessedly easy. I believe Eru himself guided us here with so little effort. We did not encounter spider nor orc the entire way out of the wood."

Tauriel resisted the urge to step back or to hide behind Legolas or better yet run from the overwhelmingly bright and peaceful presence of Elrond who had tilted his head and read her fae as Legolas moved aside to present her. 

"This is my long thought lost and most beloved friend, Tauriel," Legolas said proudly then turned to Tauriel and took in the look of distress on her face. His eyebrows pulled together in concern as she held Elrond's gaze.

"Are you well?" he asked as he put her hand on her shoulder. Tauriel pulled her eyes from Elrond's to look at Legolas.

"I fear," she said softly as she began to turn to flee. "That I find myself quite unsettled. Please forgive me if I.."

"Lady Tauriel," Elrond interrupted as he reached for her hand and gently took it in his own. "Forgive me this liberty." She blinked and nodded her head though she felt unsettled and overwhelmed. 

"It is not uncommon for those in great pain to feel discomfort in their first moments here. You have also lived your life under the great burden of shadow. To feel it suddenly lifted can be a frightening experience."

Tauriel looked down at her hands still being held by Elrond and shook her head. "I beg your pardon, My Lord but it is not Rivendell which unsettles me but your presence." She blinked as Elrond's smile widened and he chuckled.

"I understand very well," he told her as he patted her hand. "And am not offended." 

Legolas frowned and put his hand on Tauriel's shoulder. "Would you like me to take you to rest?"

"No," Elrond answered so abruptly that Legolas looked at him in surprise. "Go see to Tauriel's accommodations while the two of us become acquainted."

"Tauriel?" Legolas asked his eyes filled with love and concern as he turned to her.

  
"I am well Lord Legolas," she told him as she met his gaze briefly then looked away. He sighed deeply then bowed to Elrond and left the library.

  
"Please sit," Elrond told Tauriel as he gestured to an ornately carved wooden chair cushioned with soft purple pillows. "Can I get you refreshment?"

"No thank you," Tauriel answered as she took her seat and crossed her arms over her chest. Elrond said nothing more as he sat across from her. 

She looked up at him once or twice then spoke, "I can hardly imagine what you would have to discuss with me, My Lord. I am nothing but a mere Silvan elleth with very little to recommend me."

"I find it strange that you would say such," Elrond told her. His eyes sparkled with warmth and wisdom and she forced herself to look away from him. "I have heard much of you and have been curious to meet you. Admittedly, I never thought I would have the opportunity ." His smile was genuine reaching his eyes in a way Thranduil's broken expression rarely had. 

Tauriel shook her head in confusion. "You have heard of me? From Legolas? Does he speak of me often?"

Elrond raised his eyebrows and nodded . "Legolas told me of you when he first arrived from Mirkwood. He was angry and heartbroken and in desperate need of counsel."

"I see. Other than having been Legolas' friend," Tauriel replied. "I truly am insignificant."

Elrond gave her a wry look. "Yes, I do hear that Thranduil takes it upon himself to care for and nurse to health every insignificant subject in his kingdom."   
Tauriel snorted slightly at the thought of Thranduil opening his private chambers for any and every needy elf. Of course he would see to their care, but it was unthinkable for him to give so much of more of himself to so many. And yet he had taken her in and cared for her with such tenderness that she still craved his company.

"He wrote to me many years ago," Elrond continued as he watched Tauriel's face. "Asking for the potion or incantation that I used on him when his wife died. Something to anchor you to life and keep you from fading. And he sent me another letter just recently asking for me to welcome and look after you as if you were one of my own."

Tauriel shook her head in denial. "I am no fool. I know my Lord Thranduil barely tolerates the mention of your name in his presence and rages at each letter you send him. He would not have written to you of me."

Elrond sighed wistfully. "Yet he did. It saddens me that he will never forgive me for saving his life." He frowned and looked off into the distance. "He and I were once great and close friends. The loss of Legolas' mother began the divide between us and the heaviness of shadow has finished it."

"I'm sorry," Tauriel said as she looked down at her folded hands. She was feeling very unnerved and wished Legolas would have taken her with him. "He is not the easiest ellon to get along with but he has a good heart. Even so I cannot imagine him writing you in regard to me." She had to admit she was incredibly curious. What had Thranduil told him?

Elrond smiled. "I agree, he does have a good heart. I was also surprised when he reached out to me. Though he did not mention you by name in the beginning, I knew it could be no other elleth than Tauriel who loved and lost Kili whom he sought so desperately to heal."

Tauriel put her hand to her heart. "I cannot say that I am grateful to Thranduil for pushing me to live but I am also glad that I am not dead."

Elrond gave her a long thoughtful look before he spoke again, "As we agree that it was no small thing for Thranduil to ask for my assistance. I hope you understand why I was curious to meet you. And now you are here with Legolas. Are your intentions truly to stay and wed him?"

Tauriel shook her head. "I hardly know, My Lord. I have only just arrived and accepting his affections doesn't seem like the worst course of action. It is something. It is living as Thranduil wished for me to do."

Elrond opened his mouth to ask another question when one of his sons walked into the library. He appeared at the door then stopped short when he saw Tauriel and gave his father a quizzical look. "Am I interrupting?"

"Of course not, Elladan," Elrond said. "Lady Tauriel and I were just getting acquainted. "You are here to give me a report on your journey?"

"Yes," Elladan said then looked briefly at Tauriel. "I can return later."

Elrond inclined his head. "You are here now. Go ahead."

Elladan took a deep breath. "The shadow grows dark and dense, Ada. I could feel it closing in behind us as we left. I fear travel between here and Lord Thranduil's halls will soon become impossible. It was a strange grace which brought us here unscathed."

"A strange grace indeed," Elrond said as he gave Tauriel a thoughtful look.

Tauriel swallowed hard and resisted the urge to jump from her seat and run. If she gathered herself together now, along with some fresh supplies, and if she was very careful, she could make it back to the king's halls within the next few days. She didn't care if it was right or wrong. She wanted to go home, to Thranduil.

"I fear not," Elrond told her as he held up his hand as if to stop her. She gave him a startled look. "It would be far too dangerous to travel alone Lady Tauriel or even with a small group. What you would need now is an army which I cannot spare to escort you home." 

Tauriel said nothing as she lowered her gaze to her hands and blinked back the tears threatening to spill over her eyelashes. She was feeling trapped and very out of place.  
Elrond looked from her to his son and said, "Send a messenger to your grandmother and let her know of these developments. She may wish to take action where I cannot."

"Thank you, Ada," Elladan said then bowed to both Elrond and then Tauriel and left the room.

"H-how do you tell them apart?" Tauriel asked grateful for a subject to latch onto that didn't leave her feeling like she wanted to jump from her skin or make her miss Thranduil with a desperation that frightened her.

Elrond chuckled. "Once you get to know them you will understand. Otherwise, I am their father it would be remiss of me to be unable to tell one from the other."

Tauriel watched as he stood and walked across the room and filled a cup from an ewer of water. He offered her a cup and she shook her head. She wanted nothing more at the moment than to get home as quickly as possible but felt Elrond would stop her if she mentioned it.

"I know what you are thinking," Elrond told her as he returned to his seat and sat back to look at her. "That you need to get back to Mirkwood. To warn Thranduil. But you will be telling him that which he already knows and risking your life in the process." He gave her a kind smile then took a drink from his cup.

Tauriel gave Elrond a sharp look. She suddenly understood why Thranduil disliked him. The easy peace he wore like a garment was discordant to how much pain she was feeling and how much anger lived in her heart. Moreover, she could feel the power of the ring he wore ebbing around him and it made her sick with resentment. 

Elrond and his people knew so much peace and stability while hers suffered in darkness. Thranduil fought hard but he had no great ring of power to shield them from the corruption of time and shadow, only his people and their strong will. She closed her eyes not wanting to look upon Elrond further.

Elrond watched her for several long moments then leaned forward and caught her chin with his be-ringed hand and forced her to meet his eyes. "Your people choose to stay in the wood, Tauriel. Your people choose to stay with your king. They are more than welcome here, in Lothlorien, or to sail Aman. Do not blame me for what they do not have and that which I cannot give."

"You think I should place blame on Thranduil's shoulders?" Tauriel asked as she clenched her fists. "For refusing on giving up his people whom he loves and who love him? For the sake of your protection? Do you even understand what Mirkwood means to us? It is our home! We could never leave it!"

  
Elrond said nothing in reply as he searched her face for a moment before leaning back in his own chair. "There is nothing I can say in my defense. I am not a Silvan. I do not feel the connection to this land that you do. I the time of the Eldar in Middle Earth is ending. Most of my people are preparing themselves to sail."

  
Tauriel closed her eyes and shook her head as she cast her gaze to the floor. She felt sick and angry. "Coming here was a mistake." She took squeezed her eyes tightly to keep from shedding tears.

  
"No," Elrond told her firmly. "Your coming here is a boon. You will be safe and that will free the hearts of those who love you to fufill their destinies."

"I don't understand," Tauriel replied, keeping her head bowed. She was still feeling sick with anger and yet the feeling was beginning to fade into weariness, though she tried to hold on to it. She wanted the biting anger it would give her the strength to forge on.

  
"You are coming out of a long darkness." Elrond began speaking softly as if Tauriel were a wild animal who could attack at any moment. "Legolas was angry with me in much the same way when he first arrived. Once your vision clears you'll feel much better and when you do, I ask that you spend your time here letting your heart heal and enjoy this brief respite. Spend time with friends and take this rest while you can."

  
"And what if I chose to defy you and make my way home?" Tauriel asked as she carefully watched Elrond's face. His expression gave away nothing.

Elrond sighed and shrugged his shoulders as he spread his hands apart. "I am not issuing orders. I will not force you to stay, but I would rather not mourn your loss, nor explain to your king why I could not protect you and face his wrath."

Tauriel put her hands over her face and rocked forward. Elrond tilted his head and gave her a look of pity as she sobbed. Eventually he gave her a cup of water which she drank greedily before thanking him.

"Come with me," Elrond told her as he stood.

Tauriel frowned then let him help her stand. "Let us find Legolas so he can take you to your room. You look as though you need rest."

"Yes," Tauriel agreed. She needed to be alone to think. She needed to find an easy way home. Was there even an easy way? She doubted it but she would find it nonetheless.

Elrond opened the door from the library and gestured for her to proceed him. They were only a few steps into their walk when the wizard Mithrandir appeared looking excited and breathless. Tauriel stepped back and away from him as if he were a tornado who would sweep her away. 

"I must speak with you!" he said to Elrond. His gaze flickered to Tauriel and he bowed to her quickly before telling Elrond. "It is a matter of great import."  


"The ring?" Elrond exclaimed. "You're bringing it here?" He put his hand on Tauriel's shoulder then looked around for someone to escort her to Legolas. "Are you certain?"

"It has been confirmed," Mithrandir replied his voice now very soft, as if he feared being spied upon.

Elrond let out a deep breath. "Can you wait for me in the library? Let me see to Lady Tauriel and I will be with you as soon as possible."

"There is no time to waste," Mithrandir began, "But I can spare a few moments of respite to wait for you." Elrond nodded then directed a now very unsettled Tauriel to Legolas.

\---

"Would you like something to eat?" Legolas asked as he escorted Tauriel to her rooms. She tried to take in the beauty of the city around her but her heart ached too much to see the beautiful marble pillars and great arching walk ways with anything but spite.

"I am concerted about Mirkwood. I don't think returning home anytime soon will be possible," she said.

Legolas gave her a worried look. "I understand your urge to go home. Give Rivendell a chance. If you open your heart you'll love it just as everyone else does." He stopped and gathered her into his arms and held her close for a moment. "All will be well I promise."

Tauriel nodded as she returned Legolas' embrace. She held him tight, trying to feel the sense of comfort and ease Thranduil always gave her, but her discomfort only grew with a feeling of emptiness.

Legolas continued as he stroked her hair. "You and I are safe as long as we remain in Rivendell and there is no cause to return home."

"What about your adar?" Tauriel asked softly as she closed her eyes tight and tried to keep herself from trembling. "Who will keep him safe?"

"I have faith that my adar can take care of himself and his kingdom very well on his own. You need not worry about him, Tauriel." Legolas released her then smiled tenderly as he wiped the tears from her face with his thumbs. 

"For now, let me show you to your rooms. You'll I think you'll love them. There is a beautiful view of the stars at night from windows facing homeward and it even has a little cove where you can have a private bath. Tauriel said nothing more as he showed her around her room as her thoughts were in Mirkwood with her king.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter isn't boring for anyone. I worry about such things. I also worry because my timeline and certain things are a bit off regarding Tolkien lore. But... I have decided on this one I am going to play a little... or a lot fast and loose and try not to worry so hard about such things. The purist in me goes *GASP* but it is what it is. Besides Tauriel isn't even in Tolkien so I need to stop being so danged hard on myself.
> 
>  
> 
> Edit: 1/12/18
> 
> Thank you for reading this story.

 

Thranduil tapped his index finger on the large map spread across the table with three of his best generals beside him. He traced a line with his finger across the map. All three leaned forward to get a better look at the course his finger followed.

"We do not have enough defenses here and here." Thranduil said as he again tapped on the map. "These are our weakest points and I want them fortified before winter." He looked up as the door opened and the captain of his guard appeared. Thranduil straightened and arched one eyebrow at the ellon in question.

"My Lord," Uron said then bowed. "My mission is complete."

Thranduil nodded then excused himself from his generals who crowded around the map and began arguing amongst themselves. "Walk with me," he told Uron. "Tell me what you saw."

Uron followed Thranduil into the hallway. "It was far more difficult than I had anticipated. I sent scouts ahead of them as you requested and discovered a band of orcs laying in wait."

"How large was this band?" Thranduil asked as he folded his hands in the sleeves of his robes and twisted the little ring on his pinkie as had become his habit since Tauriel first left.

"Fifty or more strong, My Lord." Uron answered his voice hushed slightly." We were able to lead them away from the path to avoid signs of battle. I don't believe Legolas' traveling party were aware of anything."

Thranduil frowned as he stopped in a corridor. "And they made it out safely?"

"Yes, My Lord," Uron answered. "I can assure you that their journey was easy and uneventful. However, ours was fraught with even more peril for the orc army we first engaged was able to gather strength and circle back. Even worse it was as though the shadows grew longer and darker at Legolas' departure."

"Our days will grow darker yet," Thranduil said as his expression grew more grim. "The shadow of Dol Guldur is restless and can no longer be contained. I want you to send out messages to all my subjects still living in the wood. Tell them they are welcome to take refuge in my halls. They do not have to face the storm alone. I shall protect them."

"And what of the men who live in the forest? Should they also be warned?" Uron questioned carefully.

Thranduil's frowned deepened. "A warning perhaps but not a welcome. The men of Dale have already aligned themselves with dwarves. Pass on their invitation to Erebor."

"I see," Uron said. "Then this winter will be long."

"Very long," Thranduil replied as he continued to twist the ring on his little finger. "No one is to take leave without caution, Uron. The wood has not been safe for sometime yes, but it is now a risk that should not be undertaken alone." Uron bowed and Thranduil turned to go back to his meeting with his generals his mood a little lighter now that he knew Legolas and Tauriel were safe.

\----

Tauriel stood on the balcony outside her room and took a deep breath as she looked longingly at the trees. The lush green leaves were beginning to turn shades of red and gold at their edges just as they did in Mirkwood.   
She used to love Autumn but now the memories of the season were filled with sadness be it those of the battle and Kili's death or those she had spent with her king. The sites and smells of the season had lost their allure.

She had been in Rivendell for well over a week and every morning Legolas arrived in her rooms with a large pot of tea and tray of plums and other fruits for breakfast. She was aware that he made the effort of preparing everything himself and while she could appreciate it, she couldn't bring herself to eat.

"You are homesick," he told her his eyes shining with affection as he offered her small morsels of her favorite baked apples which she turned away with a shake of her head. "Before too long your appetite will return."

Tauriel bit her lip. "I don't miss home," she told Legolas after a long silence and she truly didn't. She didn't long for the little shack where she had daily swept the floor and cleaned the hearth for what seemed like centuries after living with Thranduil. It had been a lonely life she had been more than happy to leave behind.

"Is it Kili?" Legolas asked as he sat watching her intently. Tauriel bit her lip and shook her head. It wasn't being so far away from Kili's resting place that bothered her, but being so far away from the halls of her king. She pinched arm for admitting it to herself.

It had been comforting to know that if she needed him, Thranduil was less than a days ride away. If her nightmares became too frightening or the sadness too overwhelming she knew he would welcome her into his private sanctum where she could hide and keep him company and he would hold her as long as she needed.

He would feed her, sing to her, and even read to her. He was always pleased to see her but she couldn't help feeling as though she were a terrible burden using up his valuable time.   
When she first left him she managed to stay away for a week but was back again before disappearing in the morning, feeling ashamed of herself. Eventually she managed to visit less and less.

Tauriel took a shaking breath as she thought of her king. He would hold her as she wept and tell her stories of his youth. If she could not sleep he would rock her until she did and she felt safe with him watching over her. Now it was impossible to reach him should she need him. Her peace was shaken and she felt foolish to think she no longer needed him.

"I shouldn't need him so much," she said softly and Legolas frowned.

"I don't think it is wrong to need him," Legolas told her as he moved to sit beside her. "You love him and always will." Tauriel's breath caught and she gave him a look of such fear that he knelt down before her and took her hands in his.

"Let us dispense with such sadness," he told her as squeezed her hands. "I noticed that your bow while good for hunting would be useless in battle. Come with me and we will find you a new one. And if you bring your daggers you can train with Elladan, Elrohir and myself."

"I didn't bring my daggers," Tauriel said as she looked away from Legolas. "I left them with Kili." The rune had first given her was sitting on the table by her bed and she dearly wished it were in her hand. Thinking of Kili was what gave her the strength to stay away from Thranduil's comfort and kept her from running back to him. Holding his rune now would make her feel stronger.

The ever present smile on Legolas' face faltered and his eyebrows furrowed. "Then we shall outfit you with new ones?"

"No," Tauriel said as she pulled her hand's from Legolas then forced him to sit back on his heels as she stood and walked to the window. "I am no longer a soldier."

"Perhaps not," Legolas began as he stood. He took a step toward her then stopped himself. "But you were always one of the best fighters I've known. I always enjoyed fighting beside you."

Tauriel shook her head. "And I would be dead were it not for you. I failed, Legolas. I was unable to save Kili and I was even less able to safe myself." In the beginning she had raged and cried at Thranduil at her inability to avenge Kili's death. Even after so long her failure was still a bitter sting.

"That does not mean you cannot fight," Legolas told her. "I have thanked Eru many times that I arrived in time to save you that day." He paused and swallowed hard. "I am only sorry I was unable to reach you before..."   
  
Tauriel closed her eyes tight. "I no longer have any fight left." she said. "I am not a warrior anymore, Legolas. I do not wish to be."

Legolas watched as she stood with her back to him. "I am sorry, Tauriel. Perhaps you should speak with Elrond at the very least about your sorrow. He is a great healer."

Tauriel bit her lip so hard it bled in order to keep from turning and lashing out at Legolas and yelling that she didn't need Elrond. She didn't need anyone. Except perhaps Thranduil and she didn't want to need him at all. She clenched her fists so hard it hurt.

"Thank you, Legolas," she said evenly. "I will consider it."

Legolas watched her for a little longer before speaking again, "I suppose now would be the best time to tell you that I am leaving for battle tomorrow morning. Orcs have been spotted near the borders. I've been asked to join the hunt."

Tauriel turned to him then walked forward and put her arms around him. "I will be careful." He told her then dared to drop a kiss on the top of her head. "And I will return to you. I promise."

"How long will you be gone?" she asked feeling angry that she wasn't more worried. She had faith that Legolas could hold his own against any orc, but still she should feel concern.

"A week at the most," Legolas answered. "Depending on if we are forced to give chase." He hugged her tight and sighed as she rested her head on his shoulder. He told himself that if she lifted her head toward him he would kiss her, but she didn't.

\--

Several days later, Tauriel was sitting on the ledge of an ancient fountain, trailing her fingers in the water when she felt the bright golden presence of another elleth sit down beside her. She looked up to meet the smiling, deep blue eyes of the most beautiful elleth she'd ever seen in her life.

"Hello," the elleth said, her voice soft and musical. "I am Arwen. You must be Legolas' friend, Tauriel."

"You are Elrond's daughter," Tauriel blurted out then immediately felt stupid. Arwen's response was to chuckle kindly.

"Yes and little sister to the inseparable twins and before you ask, no I am not always able to tell them apart for they delight in trying to trick me."

"If you cannot tell them apart then I have no hope," Tauriel replied.

Arwen nodded her head in understanding. "If I may, there is a little trick I can pass on to you. Elrohir always tilts his head to the left when he listens, not so with Elladan. Also, Elladan's right eyebrow raises when he is amused."

Tauriel smiled. "I cannot wait to test it for myself. It will be a relief to be able to address them by name instead awkwardly approaching and asking a question. They must think me terribly rude."

"They are used to it," Arwen assured her. "And you must be missing Legolas terribly."

Tauriel was on the edge of responding positively to her statement but something stopped her and she felt the need to be honest with Arwen. "No," she said then took a deep breath. "It is actually a relief to have him away for awhile."

Arwen gave her a sad look. "Did you fight before he left?"

"No," Tauriel replied. "It's nothing like that. It is that I am uncertain of my feelings. I know he loves me but..."

"You love someone else," Arwen stated and Tauriel winced and fidgeted a little unsure of how to answer such a statement.

Arwen dipped her fingers into the water. "My father told me how you lost your beloved in a battle long ago and that Legolas brought you here to see if your heart could heal, that his heart is set on wedding you." Tauriel opened and closed her mouth a few times then nodded her head.

"Forgive me," Arwen continued as she blushed slightly. "It is my grandmother who likes to speak in riddles and circles. I find it saves time to state everything clearly."

Tauriel smiled as she looked into Arwen's friendly face. "And you worry about time?"

Arwen bit her lip as she continued to let her fingers dance in the water. "I often feel that time is my enemy - wishing to rush in and steal away that which I love most in this world." She sighed and smiled wistfully.

"Would it be rude of me to ask?" Tauriel replied and watched as Arwen considered whether or not to answer.

"I love a mortal," she finally said. "A man. I love a man named Aragorn." It was suddenly clear to Tauriel why Arwen was so forthright and Tauriel's heart ached for her.

"Then you and I are not so different," Tauriel began. "My love was a dwarf named Kili."   
She held her breath waiting for Arwen's judgmental response, but Arwen simply sighed deeply and replied, "What that we could simply tell our hearts who we should love and when and how much."

Tauriel relaxed and nodded her head. "Unfortunately, it never works that way."

Arwen smiled as she nodded in agreement. "Especially when my beloved says that I would be better off loving someone else." She paused. "How can he say such a thing so easily? Love someone else! As if it is even within the realm of possibility."

"What if it is possible?" Tauriel asked and Arwen gave her a thoughtful look. "But..." She trailed off not able to finish her question. It wasn't that she didn't wish to confide her troubles in Arwen but that she wasn't sure she could admit them to herself.

"But?" Arwen asked as she watched Tauriel wipe tears from her eyes.

"But it doesn't matter," Tauriel said. "I promised Legolas that I would come here and let him court me."

"And is he doing a good job?" Arwen asked as she tilted her head and regarded Tauriel thoughtfully.

Tauriel laughed slightly. "He's certainly trying. I just wish he could have set his heart on someone else. Someone kinder, better, more deserving of his love."

"I think love has been terribly cruel to the four of us," Arwen said as she flicked at the water one last time. "You, Legolas, Aragorn and myself. No one else understands, except for Ada perhaps."

Tauriel's eyebrows furrowed and she shook her head. "Why would he understand?"

"Because my naneth sailed and they are apart," Arwen answered. She paused a moment to still her own sorrow. "And I know he misses her, but he has the comfort of knowing he will be with her again one day." She sighed and then closed her eyes to hide her intense emotions.

"So then does he really understand?" Tauriel asked. She didn't think Thranduil did. He too would be reunited with his wife one day. She sighed in an effort to chase away her feelings of jealousy. Thranduil would be happy again and that is what mattered the most, or so she told herself.

"I think he does even though he doesn't approve," Arwen said then flicked the water with her fingers. Both elleths were silent for several long minutes.

"Let's talk about Legolas." Arwen finally said. "You have known him a very long time from what I hear tell. Ada says that he takes after his adar in everything but his temperament. Is it true that Lord Thranduil is very cold? Legolas once called him the Ice King."

Tauriel laughed. "He can be, but he can be very kind as well. And yes, Legolas does take after him a little, though I think he looks more like his mother."

"Did you know her?" Arwen asked her eyes lighting up with excitement. "I heard she was once very kind and wise."

"She died long before I was born," Tauriel answered, "But Lord Thranduil has a painting of her. I think his coldness is because he misses her so much and he's terribly lonely. But he will be reunited with her one day, just like your father."

Arwen shook her head solemnly. "No," she said as her voice dropped to a whisper. "They are sundered for all time, Tauriel. Don't you know the story?"

"All time?" Tauriel asked as she put her hand to her suddenly hurting chest. Her throat constricted and she had to take a moment to gather herself lest she burst into tears. The thought that Thranduil would see his wife again was her comfort and protection. When she was a young elleth, always romantically imagined their reunion.

Several tears escaped her eyes and she looked away in a failed attempt to hide them. Later, years after living with Thranduil, she grew to love him in ways she desperately wished to deny and felt shame for feeling. Even so knowing Thranduil would not see his wife again hurt as much as knowing she would not reunite with Kili. Worse was the fact that the little seed of jealousy settled with a satisfaction that made her feel ashamed of herself.

Arwen produced a linen handkerchief and passed it to Tauriel. "When I asked Legolas about her he told me he knew very little, that his Adar didn't speak of her. I suppose should not surprise me that you do not know the tale."

Tauriel thanked Arwen as she took the handkerchief and wiped her eyes. "I have heard the story of her passing. I.. I just didn't know everything. It is not a subject one speaks of in the halls of my king."

"My grandmother told me the tale" Arwen began as she laced her fingers together in her lap. "Of how Lord Thranduil damaged his own fae trying to save her, but she was taken by shadow and while she sleeps in the hall of Mandos, it is for all time in judgement of her actions."

"Taken by shadow?" Tauriel asked as her heart continued to ache in her chest. She thought of times Thranduil had spoken of his wife, usually after Tauriel had talked of Kili. She knew he had loved her deeply. Did he still? Or had her betrayal killed those feelings?

Arwen gave Tauriel a sad look as her own eyes filled with tears. "Corrupted," Arwen answered then shivered. "Seduced to evil by dark forces."

"How?" Tauriel asked the sudden urge to run home gripped her so hard she was left breathless. She wanted to see Thranduil. To hug him tightly. To apologize for all the barbs and cruel words she'd thrown at him over the years.

"I am unaware of the details and I am certain that I do not wish to know how to befriend the darkness, but I do believe her initial aim was to protect those she loved." Arwen wrapped her arms around herself as if to ward off the darkness as she shivered.

Tauriel wiped her eyes again then said more to herself than Arwen, "I have been so cruel and selfish toward him thinking he couldn't know how true loss feels. How badly he must think of me. I did not deserve his kindness. I took too much for granted."

Arwen waited patiently as her new friend struggled with what she was learned. And though she was curious about Tauriel's confession she decided it was best not to pry.

When Tauriel finally came back to herself, Arwen stood. "It is getting late. There will be music and dancing down in the common. Would you like to come with me?"

Tauriel didn't want listen to music or dance but felt it would be rude to refuse Arwen's offer, besides she found she liked the elleth's calming company and was reluctant to leave it. She would be alone later and would have more than enough time to mourn for Thranduil.

\----

The desire to sleep did not often come to Thranduil. Though he settled in his bed each night to rest his body and recover from the stress of the day. If he allowed himself to relax in meditation his mind would race with subjects that made him restless and unhappy. So, instead of meditation or sleep he either read or worked on personal correspondence he had been too busy to tend to during the day.

Tonight, he sat bent slightly over his lap desk as he erased the line he had been drawing as he growled in frustration. He dropped the eraser then picked up the narrow drawing stick to try again before sitting back to survey his work with a critical eye.

He grimaced as he reached for the eraser and rubbed out his drawing before leaning back on his pillows and sighing. He could draw her nose and her mouth perfectly. Her hair was just as she always wore it. The problem was her eyes. He could not get her eyes right. He wanted to see the smile she had sometimes given him when they were laughing, but instead he ended up drawing her with the sad look that told him she was thinking about Kili. Oh how he hated that look and the way it made his gut twist with jealousy.

He had been struggling against urge to draw her likeness since it first found him several days ago, but finally decided to give into the need. He deprived himself of so much where Tauriel was concerned at the least he could give in to this one simple desire. He hoped that doing so would finally lift her from his mind for long enough to give him rest.

Thranduil let his eyes flutter shut intending to do so only long enough to remember the exact expression he wanted to see, but instead he drifted into sleep and a beautiful dream where Tauriel appeared in his room and confessed that she had returned because she loved him and missed him.

She was wearing nothing but a light robe which she dropped at the end of the bed before crawling toward him. When he woke it was with a body quickened with desire and an empty bed. He groaned as he rolled to his side, pushing his lap desk and papers onto the floor with a clatter.

There were so many times when she had slept innocently in his arms while he lay awake holding her, wanting, and needing to love her. It was a delicious sort of torture to deny himself while his body ached to slake its desire with hers.

In those moments he reveled in the feel of her breasts pressed against him, of her breath fanning across his bare chest. And oh how he loved the smell of her. His beautiful, sweet, and precious Tauriel.

Now, without her in his arms, the denial of his need for her; along with knowing she was beyond his reach was completely unbearable. He knew that the only relief would be found with his hand as he had already found it on too many occasions as he lay without her.

He continued to curl on to his side while he chanted Tauriel's name and when release finally came he was left feeling more alone than he had before. He closed his eyes tight and made a pact with himself not to fall asleep thinking about her again.

Rising from bed and dressing found Thranduil's mood growing worse and worse until finally he stepped out of his chambers and chased away the servants who offered him a friendly good morning along with breakfast.

He strode into the office where Galion waited to go over the day with him and asked. "Is there anything of such great importance that it must be dealt with today?"

Galion, who was well versed in his king's moods glanced down at the list of responsibilities and requests for meetings that had grown three fold already that morning and frowned. The list would only grow as the day went on

"There is nothing here that either I cannot deal with for you or cannot wait," he finally answered as he looked up to see Thranduil sag slightly in relief.

"Then cancel it all and send to the barracks for Uron. He and I are going Orc hunting today."

Galion's eyes widened. "My Lord..."

"Do not," Thranduil who had started to leave the room growled as he turned back to Galion with his teeth bared in anger. "Presume to tell me what I can and cannot do. All I ask is that you follow my orders. Tell Uron to meet me at the gate."

"Do you want your elk saddled?" Galion dared to ask.

"No," Thranduil answered over his shoulder as he left the room. "I am not in the mood for that kind of hunt."

Galion waited a moment then shook his head. "He is in an angry violent mood today and I almost pity any orc who meets him today. Almost."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited February 14, 2018

Tauriel brooding as she sat in the common for the third night in a row listening to music and watching other elves dance. The first two nights she had been accompanied by Arwen who had wheedled her into dancing most of the evening though Tauriel's heart hadn't been in it. Earlier that day Arwen had sent her a note telling her she would be away and so she was left to herself for which she was grateful.

She had been sitting on the stone bench against a white marble wall since long before the musicians had arrived to set up and had watched as they laughed together and tuned their instruments. Her thoughts were drawn to the times Thranduil had played the flute for her and the rare moments had been able to coax him into actual singing rather than humming the same infernal song over and over again.

It irritated her that Thranduil was constantly on her mind and she squeezed Kili's rune in an effort to pull herself back to thoughts of the young dwarf, sadly the memories she shared with him paled in comparison to those she shared with her king.

What irritated her even more was how she had begun viewing those memories in a different light. Before she had spoken to Arwen, Tauriel had always placed Thranduil's wife between them and had never questioned that his motives for treating her with so much kindness and caring. She also used her love for Kili to protect her heart or at least she tried to. When she realized she cared for her king so much more than should have allowed she left his halls even though it hurt.

Now, she had so many questions and worse so many confusing feelings as she recalled the tenderness with which he brushed her hair each night, how gently he held her hand, or simply held her in his arms. The thought of how intimate his tending to her had been made her cheeks burn and her heart race. She had always told herself he tended to her as if she were a child, but he showed her such caring and deference. What would it have been like if he had been caring for her as he would a lover?

Tauriel closed her eyes tight as she tried to push away all the what ifs. What if he had kissed her? She found it all too easy to imagine and it upset her. Not because she would have rejected such affection, but because of how much she found she desired it. His actions had been kind and innocent. They had to have been. Why must her mind change debase him so in her imagination? She had no right to love him as anything other than a king and her friend.

She never really questioned why he chose to allow her to live with him in his royal apartments or why he gave her so much of his time and effort. In the beginning it was because she wasn't in any state of mind to wonder why and afterward she simply took it for granted.

Tauriel growled at herself in frustration then opened her eyes in time to see a gray haired halfling amble into the common with a book under one arm and a pipe in his mouth. She had only ever known of one hobbit who had dared to leave the shire.

Bilbo Baggins, though she had never spoken to him directly, had been one of Thorin's company those many long years ago. He had spent time with Kili and known him far better than Tauriel had.

She fidgeted in her seat for a moment before finally making her way to where Bilbo had made himself comfortable against a brick wall; smoking and listening to music. He looked up at her as she approached and smiled; aged lined face betraying that he was a creature given to merriment.

"A wood elf?" he asked cheerfully his eyes alight with mischief. "Here in Elrond's lands?"

Tauriel tilted her head as she returned his expression. "A hobbit?" she asked in return. "Here in Elrond's lands?"

"Ha! A joust well played," the hobbit said as he put the pipe to his mouth and took in a few puffs. "I am Bilbo Baggins formerly of the Shire. You are?"

"Tauriel, former captain of the Elvenking's guard." Tauriel answered then bowed with a flourish.

"Ah!" Bilbo said as his expression sharpened. "We know each other by association it would seem. Sit. Sit. Keep an old hobbit company." Tauriel sat tentatively beside him then shook her head as he offered her a puff of his pipe.

"And how is the Elvenking?" Bilbo asked, shrugging as Tauriel rejected his offer of a smoke. "I am afraid that I have been remiss in my correspondence with him lately."

Tauriel's eyebrows furrowed and she shook her head as Bilbo continued to puff on his pipe. "You exchanged letters with Lord Thranduil?"

"At least one or so every six months," Bilbo admitted. "Surprisingly kind fellow when you're on his side. Right bastard when you're not." Bilbo paused and frowned as his eyebrows furrowed.

"He felt he owed me a debt of gratitude of some sort or another. Which is untrue. His friendship has been a real boon though so I can't complain." He smiled wistfully then took a few more puffs of his pipe.

"A debt of gratitude?" Tauriel asked as the smoke from Bilbo's pipe wended it's way around them. Rather than disliking the smell she found the sweet scent pleasant and so she allowed herself to relax as she looked at Bilbo.

"Aye," Bilbo agreed. "During the battle I helped him. Do you not know the story?"

Tauriel shook her head feeling at a loss. "I don't know if you were aware at the time, but I was at odds with my king. I was banished from his halls."

"Because of Kili," Bilbo stated and Tauriel opened her hand to show him the rune.

"Ahh yes dear Kili. He was quite taken with you, that one. His friends all thought he'd lost his mind." Bilbo chuckled then trailed off and his expression saddened.

"So did I at first," Tauriel answered as she looked at the rune. "But it didn't take long for my heart to come to agreement with his."

Bilbo sighed and shook his head. "I remember well finding you with him at the end. You were inconsolable. I am very sorry for your loss Lady Tauriel."

"Thank you," Tauriel replied as she stared at the rune in her hand. "I am also sorry for yours. You also lost friends that day."

"Thorin," Bilbo said drawing out his name wistfully as he looked into the distance. Tauriel thought for a moment there were tears in his eyes as he narrowed them but she could have been mistaken.

"Haven't said his name aloud in ages." Bilbo finally continued. "That pain in the arse." He smiled as he nodded his head once. "But a great, great friend. I loved him dearly. I miss him still."  
  
"Was Kili also a great friend?" Tauriel asked then swallowed hard at the lump that formed in her throat.

"Oh they all were. The whole rowdy lot of them," Bilbo answered as his face creased into a fond smile. "But Kili was the youngest. So idealistic and romantic. I suppose that's what made him dare to love an elf."

"Perhaps," Tauriel said as she searched Bilbo's face as if doing so would tell her everything she wanted to know.

Bilbo shook his head. "Honestly, the way you were clinging to your king at the funeral I was certain you were not long for this world. Elves have a tendency to die of heartbreak, I know. I was very happy when I heard you lived. Kili would have done anything to keep you alive."

Tauriel squeezed the rune again as she tried not to relive her memory of his last moments of life or the look in his eyes as his light faded. "I wanted to, Bilbo. I really did. But my king would not allow it."

"I know," Bilbo said as he patted her leg. "He wrote to me of you. Even asked me for advice which I found incredibly flattering."

"Advice about what?" Tauriel asked as she blinked at Bilbo in surprise.

Bilbo took several puffs of his pipe and tilted his head as he considered his answer. "Making friends with the dwarves to allow you to visit Kili's graveside." Bilbo scratched his head. "I know his overtures only went as far as that. They consented to leave you be when you visited."

"I had no idea," Tauriel said. "I just thought they were being respectful."

"I know for certain they would have allowed you anyway but it may not have gone as smoothly as it apparently did." Bilbo shook his head. "Sad business it was." He blew out a cloud of smoke then looked at Tauriel.

"I didn't ask you, " he began. "What brings you to Rivendell?"

"Legolas," Tauriel answered. "I am here for Legolas."

Bilbo's eyes furrowed and he scratched his head. "Here for Legolas? To take him home? I thought he and his father cleared up their misunderstandings."

"They did, but Legolas asked me to come here and let him attempt to court me," Tauriel answered.

Bilbo sputtered a moment then closed his mouth and looked around. "Where is he? I'd like to speak with him I think."

"He's off fighting orcs with Elldan and Elrohir," Tauriel answered and Bilbo continued to frown and shake his head.

"It's strange business with you elves," he remarked.

"How so?" Tauriel asked. Bilbo took a deep breath and shook his head.

"It isn't for me to say, Lady Tauriel. Maybe I read your king's letters wrong. He tends to be very poetic." Bilbo smiled wistfully.

Thranduil had spoken of Tauriel so lovingly that he was sure he and Tauriel shared a happy relationship. Maybe his efforts to save Tauriel were for Legolas. He scratched his head again and decided to see if he happened to bring any of Thranduil's letters with him when he retired to his room.

"So," Bilbo said feeling uncomfortable with the way Tauriel was watching him steadily, as elves were prone to do. "Would you like me to tell you stories about Kili?"

"That would be most welcome," Tauriel replied as her face lit up.

"Wonderful!" Bilbo said as he tapped his spent pipe empty of ashes on the bench and began to refill it. "I'll tell you of our first meeting."

Tauriel made herself more comfortable in her seat then sat with Bilbo the rest of the evening. Though his stories tended to not revolve around Kili as much as she would have liked, it still made her feel closer to the dwarf.

\----

"I think you need to find a hobby with which to occupy yourself," Arwen said as she and Tauriel lay together in the grass with leaves falling around them like snow. "I'm worried about you."

Tauriel turned on her side and looked at Arwen. "There is no need to worry about me of all people. "

"I don't know if you are hiding it from me or yourself but you have grown quite despondent over the last few days," Arwen said. "And I would never forgive myself if you decided to fade and I hadn't offered a reason to stay."

"Would fading be all that bad?" Tauriel asked wistfully. "I think dreaming until I was sent to Aman sounds comforting."

Arwen shook her head as she frowned. "Fading and dying are one in the same Tauri and I personally cannot allow it, at least not without a fight. Besides it's nice having a friend more my age to confide in."

Tauriel laughed shortly and teased, "Ah so keeping me around is more for your own benefit I see."

"I'm glad you understand," Arwen told her then laughed. "But if you feel lost enough to fade then you should chose to sail instead."

"Oh well," Tauriel teased. "I see. You just want me to deliver a letter to your mother. You are a terribly selfish elleth."

Arwen chuckled as she sat up and threw a handful of leaves at Tauriel. "I would rather you stayed." Her smile faded into a frown. "I would rather see you happy."

Tauriel sat up and brushed the leaves from her hair. "I don't know if such is possible."

"Which is why you need a hobby. Something to keep you occupied while Legolas and my brothers are out trying to be like Glorfindel." Arwen continued.

"Do you really think they are trying to become great heroes?" Tauriel asked as she tried to move the subject away from herself.

"I don't know about Legolas, but Elladan and Elrohir are," Arwen answered. "They have hero worshiped that ellon ever since I could remember."

Tauriel shook her head. "I think Legolas is trying to be like his father. As a warrior that is."

"They all have chosen tough shoes to fill," Arwen said. She picked up a leaf and then held it up to Tauriel's head.

"This one," she said as she twirled the leaf. "It's the exact color of your hair." Tauriel laughed and shook her head. Arwen had been taking to collecting leaves that she felt matched Tauriel hair much to her amusement.

"You are like autumn personified," she told Tauriel who laughed and replied, "I would rather be like you, Summer; with stars in my eyes than Autumn with leaves in my hair."

Arwen laughed then stood. "Do you like books?" she asked. "Have you been to the library?"

Tauriel wrinkled her nose as she followed Arwen across the lawn. "I have because your adar practically lives there. Which is also why I avoid it."

Arwen stopped and gave Tauriel a serious look. "My adar is a just and wonderful ellon. I wish you'd give him a chance. You would adore him as much as I do if you did."

"I just don't feel comfortable around him," Tauriel said. "Maybe my view has been tarnished with my king's opinion of him and... It makes me feel disloyal to think otherwise."

"Do you embroider?" Arwen asked as she dismissed the subject of Elrond. "I have been working on a large project. I could use help."

"I like to garden," Tauriel said quickly. "And hunt."

"What about music?" Arwen asked. Her face lit up when Tauriel stopped walking.

"I do like music," Tauriel said as she tilted her head to the side.

"Do you play an instrument?" Arwen asked. "I play the harp as well as the lute."

"No," Tauriel answered. "I was always too busy learning to fight and take care of my weapons to learn."

Arwen clapped her hands happily. "That's it then. I will teach you to play music. Harp or lute?"

"Lute?" Tauriel asked hesitantly.

Arwen graced her with a beautiful smile then took her by the hand. "Lute it shall be. Let's go find you a beginner's instrument. Your lessons begin as of now."

\--

"Kili! No!" Tauriel cried as she sat up in bed and opened her eyes to the darkness of her bedroom. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wept softly as the dream reverberated around her.

She could still see the look in his eyes. Fear, despair, love, and grief. She could still hear the roar of battle the foul odor of the orc they were fighting. She could still taste her failure and feel the claws of defeat at her throat. She scrambled to her bedside table and grasped the rune, putting it to her lips as she sobbed desperately.

Tauriel couldn't remember the last time the nightmare had been so vivid. Her stomach was still churning as she stood on shaking legs and walked out on the balcony to look at the stars until dawn chased them from the sky. That was how Arwen found her when she didn't show up for her afternoon music lesson.

"Tauriel?" Arwen asked as she stood beside her friend. "Has something happened?" Her mind raced to figure out what could have put Tauriel in such a state. Her first thoughts flew to her brothers and Legolas. Had something bad befallen them?

She put her hand to her mouth in fear then paused. If something had happened she would have been one of the first to know, in fact it was likely she would be the one to tell Tauriel not the other way around.

"I'm going to send for, Ada," she said to Tauriel who only nodded her head in acceptance. Tears filled Arwen's eyes and she put her arm around Tauriel.

"Come inside and sit," she said as she pulled on her friend. "I'll make some tea." Tauriel didn't fight her though she said little as she sat and stared at the fire Arwen quickly built in the fireplace.

"Who taught you to do that?" Tauriel asked as she watched Arwen whisper flames to life.

Arwen looked up at Tauriel. "My grandmother. She taught me a great many useful things."

"Can you," Tauriel began then paused. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath thinking of how good it would be to talk to Thranduil. "Can you talk to people over a great distance?"

"No," Arwen answered as she set a kettle of water to boil. "But Ada may be able to. Is there someone you need to reach?"

Tauriel shook her head and bit her lip. No matter how much she wanted to speak to him the last person she needed to talk to was Thranduil. What would she say to him? Would she tell him she had a nightmare and that she missed him and needed him to chase away her demons? Beg him to come for take her home? She snorted and Arwen gave her a worried look.

"I have worried you and I'm sorry," Tauriel began. "I am feeling much more like myself now."

"What happened to make you feel so bad?" Arwen asked. She looked up as the door opened and her father appeared.

"It was just a nightmare," Tauriel answered. "A very old one." She turned to see Elrond then grimaced at the lord of Rivendell. He really was the last person she wanted to deal with.

"I'm sorry that you have been brought here for no reason, My Lord," she said then attempted to stand only to find Arwen pushing her back into her seat.

"Do not get up," Arwen ordered then sent a quick look to her father that had Tauriel sighing knowing they were communicating to each other without speaking. Especially when Elrond knelt down and lifted her chin so he could look into her eyes.

"Tauriel," he addressed her softly. "Are you so unhappy here in Rivendell that you would allow yourself to fade to nothing?"

"No," Tauriel answered hesitatingly. The truth was yes. She was very unhappy.

"When have you last eaten and drank?" he asked, his face filled with worry.

Tauriel shook her head not wishing to answer that she couldn't remember and Elrond took a deep breath then looked to Arwen. "We need to send for Legolas."

"I'll go now," Arwen said as she started for the door.

"Not you!" Elrond ordered and Arwen stopped in her tracks but didn't turn. "Send someone else. I need you here to help me tend to Tauriel." Arwen looked back at him then nodded her head once before running out the door.

Elrond shook his head then turned his attention back to Tauriel. "If you are trying to fade, Tauriel this is the way to do it. Is that what you wish for?"

"I haven't thought about it consciously either way," Tauriel answered. She had been too busy mourning Kili as always, missing Thranduil and being angry at herself for her weaknesses.

"Then you are willing to stop?" Elrond questioned.

Tauriel shook her head. "I do not know if I am or how."

"You need to decide quickly for soon the decision will be out of your hands," Elrond told her his face full of earnest concern.

"I do not know," Tauriel answered again feeling weak and sick for the second time in her life, the last time being after Kili died. She wanted nothing more than to lie down and sleep possibly forever. The thought of rest sounded so much better than the strife and struggle of living.

"Thranduil will have yet another thing to hold over my head if I let you pass," Elrond told her as he grabbed her hand and shook her arm until she broke out of her glazed over daze and looked at him. "And you will break Legolas' heart."

"I will break his heart either way, My Lord. For I cannot love him the way he wishes." Tauriel closed her eyes against Elrond's sharp gaze.

"I have sent for porridge. Will you eat it? If you do I will confide in you several bits of information I would rather keep to myself for now. Visions of the possible future which have been graced to me."

Tauriel frowned. She wasn't sure she could bring herself to eat or if she was even curious to know Elrond's secrets. She wanted to tell him to keep them to himself but she didn't have the will and so she simply looked at him.

When the food arrived Elrond took the bowl and spoon and looked at Tauriel for a moment before he began to speak. "Just this morning a young hobbit by the name of Frodo was brought here by Glorfindel. I spent much of my energy healing him as he was attacked by Nazgul."

Tauriel opened her mouth to speak but Elrond silenced her by filling it with a spoonful of sweet porridge. She swallowed quickly. "Why would a Nazgul bother itself with a hobbit? They are not like orcs who wander aimlessly looking for victims and hobbits are harmless."

"Frodo carried with him the one ring," Elrond answered and spooned another mouthful of porridge into Tauriel's mouth which she swallowed only to have another put in its place.

"I have foreseen Legolas' future and it does not lie with you, Lady Tauriel. You will not break his heart by not loving him. But you will should you fade," he continued.

Tauriel turned her head away from another spoonful of porridge. "He will meet someone else?" She asked hopefully.

Elrond tilted his head to the side. "Not a lover, but a life long companion nonetheless who can lessen the sting of rejection."

Tauriel smiled sadly. "I am so glad to hear that." She felt a slight lifting of the burden on her shoulders and Elrond smiled at her.

"Tell him none of this when he returns. Greet him as if nothing has changed." Elrond warned her as he held up a spoonful of porridge and Tauriel took it from him and began to feed herself as Elrond nodded in satisfaction. "And you will return to Thranduil."

"No," Tauriel said as she paused her eating. "I do not think that would be a wise decision." And yet her heart lept for joy at the thought.

Elrond nodded in understanding. "Perhaps not now, but in time you will. And, finally if there is any heart I will not have you breaking it is my daughter's. Watching you fade would shatter her, Tauriel. I cannot allow that."

"I'm sorry," Tauriel began and Elrond silenced her.

"Eat, grow strong, live," he told her with mock sternness. Then stood as Arwen ran back into the room.

"Glorfindel is asking for you," she told him breathlessly then looked at Tauriel who was again spooning food into her mouth and smiled in relief.

\----

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \----EDIT February 16, 2018----
> 
> Within this chapter you will find a "song" which Thranduil sings in Queyna. My disclaimer is two fold: I am not a poet and I cannot write in Queyna. I translated the poem myself using a translator and a dictionary so anyone who happens to know the language please forgive my poor attempt
> 
> As for the poem, well, there are no love poems in Tolkien, not overt ones anyway or any which fit. Originally I used an existing poem some aught person had written but I have found that my muse disliked very, very much me using the work of another and as such I couldn't bring myself to continue this story.
> 
> I am not a poet. I was once in another life time but that was then and now I am not. So forgive me the ridiculousness of it and please do not judge me too harshly.

Galion walked into Thranduil's apartment then stopped and stared at his king as he watched two servants fastening Thranduil into his armor.

"My Lord you cannot be thinking of going out yet again!" Galion complained. Thranduil looked up from fastening a bracer on his wrist and glowered at Galion.

"We are all frightened for your well being," Galion continued as it was clear Thranduil would issue no response. "Everyone has begun to talk. They are saying that you have a death wish."

Thranduil flitted his icy gaze away from Galion as he dismissed his servants with a raise of his gloved hands. He waited until they were alone before he addressed his closest adviser.

"I fight to safe guard the well being of my people and they speak thus behind my back?" he asked his voice dangerously soft.

Galion straighten his posture and dared to meet his king eye to eye. "You are not safe guarding anyone's well being taking pointless risks, My Lord! There are plenty of soldiers ready and willing to bow to your orders. You need not see to every orc personally."

"And risk my soldier's lives instead?" Thranduil asked his voice low and fully of fury. "Have not my efforts not taken the burden of worry from the shoulders of my people?" He growled as he placed the other bracer on his arm.

"It is your life we cannot risk!" Galion raised his voice and Thranduil lifted an eyebrow at him but tilted his head to indicate that he was listening. "If we lose you we are lost. You are the heart of us, My Lord. Please." Thranduil's shoulders dropped slightly at such a statement. Galion steeled himself and went in for the kill. "Fighting like this will not bring her back to you. You must know that."

Thranduil turned his back to Galion. "Bring who back?" he asked and closed his eyes tight, wanting to hear someone besides himself say her name.

Galion opened and closed his mouth as his mind raced. As far as he knew there was no other who but Thranduil's wife. Did he want Galion to do as he had forbidden and invoke her name?

"Y-Your w-wife?" Galion stuttered and Thranduil allowed his head to bow in defeat.

"I know that very well, Galion. Clearly you think me a fool." Thranduil began removing his braces and gloves as the mood to kill orcs had now abandoned him for the desire to drown himself in a keg of wine. The pain in his chest remained and would no matter what he chose to do.

Galion rushed forward and quickly began helping Thranduil unfasten his armor. He didn't push his victory or even allow himself to show his relief that Thranduil was not going out to battle today.

"The good news is that the orc armies have retreated enough that you can send a letter to Legolas and be assured it will reach him." Galion said as he helped slide off Thranduil's chest plate. "And you should be able to receive one in return."

Thranduil pulled away from Galion. "Stop trying to placate me as though I am a spoiled child."

"I will once you stop acting like one!" Galion yelled then said softly. "My Lord."

Several tense moments ticked by between the two before Thranduil threw back his head and laughed. He patted Galion on the shoulder and smiled weakly. "You are correct. I have been acting childish." He sighed.

"Thank you," Galion said as he watched Thranduil warily as he put his armor away and did his best to disguise the fact that he was shaking. He had known his king several millennia and even then going against Thranduil was a dangerous premise.

Thranduil looked at Galion from the corner of his eye then frowned. "Since you are still standing there I assume you have information to share with me? Or is there some other matter you wish to vex me with?"

"Yes," Galion said as he perked up. "There are several issues which have come to my attention as of late; matters which can only be dealt with by your hand." Thranduil's will to see to the tedious matters which pestered at any king had faltered as of late and Galion was eager to see to what he could whilst he could.

Thranduil gestured for Galion to follow him through to his sitting room. "We cannot offer the men of Dale any further assistance," Thranduil said and Galion sighed knowing he should be grateful that Thranduil wasn't too terribly far out of the loop.

"There are a few men who wish to find safe harbor in your halls. Mostly artisans and those who are willing to bring their own resources." Galion stated as he watched Thranduil walk to the table holding several bottles of different wines.

Thranduil poured Galion and himself a glass of wine then gestured for his adviser to sit. "We have always hosted artisans of any ilk who chose to offer their services or to learn," he said then took a swallow of wine. "If they are offering resource of their own there is little reason to turn them away as long as we are not harboring every man who calls himself an artisan."

"May I ask a question?" Galion asked as he watched Thranduil empty his cup then fill another one.

"Of course," Thranduil answered not considering that Galion was going to turn the topic to personal matters.

Galion took a deep breath then forged forward. "Your mood has been more ill than usual since your most recent parting with Legolas. If you wished him to stay all you needed to do was ask and I am certain he would have."

Thranduil watched the play of light on dark red wine as he spun it in his glass. "I did not wish him to stay. He is better off in Rivendell. I have expressed this to you before. Besides, I fear were he to stay all good will between us would be lost."

Galion took swallow of his own wine to fortify himself then said. "And what of Tauriel? Is it her departure which has vexed you? She has been gone from your halls for so long I would think she would not matter to you."

Thranduil closed his eyes. "Tauriel," he said the name in his mouth like a prayer. "Is not a subject I wish to speak of." In all truth he did wish to speak of her but not to Galion who knew him too well and could figure out the meaning of what he chose to say and chose not to say.

"Is it because Legolas wishes to wed her?" Galion continued, he could tell by the small flicker of emotion on Thranduil's face that Tauriel was a sore point. "I believe they would be a good match. Their temperaments are well suited one to the other. They have proven through their work together in the guard that they get along well."

Thranduil drank from his glass. "Yes, Galion they have always been great friends. Yes, they are well suited to each other." The words made him feel sick with jealousy.

"Do you not think her good enough for him? Galion prodded as he watched his king carefully. "You forgave her for the abandonment of her post and her rebellion against you. I had always believed you did so for Legolas' sake."

"I did it for my own sake," Thranduil interrupted as he leaned forward, placed his glass on the table before him, then leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. "Because I was wrong in my treatment of her and in my failure to give ear to her concerns. I owed it to her not to let her pass into nothing simply because she had the courage to fight for love."

Galion set his now empty cup of wine on the low table by his chair. "It was kind of you to bring her into your household as you did. Perhaps she did not fade but I do not believe she ever recovered fully."

"If she had remained by my side perhaps she would have," Thranduil said wistfully. "When she made the decision to leave my halls..." He was heartbroken and ever would he yearn for her and he despised himself for the weakness.

"You gave her so much," Galion defended. He had known well that he harbored Tauriel in his apartments and thought his king noble to put so much care into the elleth. "But what more could you have done? I may not have understood her love for that dwarf but I do understand that broken hearts cannot always be healed, no matter how much care and effort you put into them."

Thranduil grimaced. "His name was Kili, Galion. Do no disparage what Tauriel went through by calling him, "that dwarf". Doing so hurts her and I hate for her to be in pain."

Galion gave Thranduil a long thoughtful look. "But she is not present to hear me call him such, therefore not here to be hurt by it."

"Then refer to him by his name out of respect for me," Thranduil ordered in a soft voice. "I promised her his name would not be forgotten."

Galion raised his eyebrows. "You promised her such a thing?"

Thranduil smiled bitterly. "I promised her many things, my friend."

"Your heart?" Galion asked as he put his own hand to his chest. "Your love? Your devotion?"

"All of those things, yes," Thranduil answered then leaned back in his chair and tilted his head up to look at the ceiling. He was a terrible, weak, and unforgivable fool for opening his heart to her.

Galion watched Thranduil before getting up and pouring his king another glass of wine. "She rejected you gently then?" he asked. "Is that why she left your halls?"

Thranduil thanked Galion as he took the offered glass. "My promises were made to her as she slept and she was unaware. I know too well how difficult it is to love again after loss and did not place the burden of my feelings for her upon her shoulders."

"And yet you did, have, and do love again!" Galion said as his mind latched on the idea of renewal for Thranduil. He smiled at the thought of seeing his friend and king happy. The vision of the bright and lively king he once knew before his terrible betrayal was too wonderful to resist.

"She will learn to love Legolas," Thranduil said firmly . "He is courting her even as we speak."

Galion was left speechless by Thranduil's words. His mind scrambled to catch up with the reality of the situation and what Thranduil had sacrificed for his son. It was a bitter thing, forcing himself to let go of the idea of happiness for Thranduil. "I am sorry, My Lord."

"She cannot be ignorant of my feelings for her," Thranduil began more to himself than Galion. "I believe I made it quite apparent through my care of her." He sighed in irritation that he was pouring out his heart to Galion and suddenly the urge to put his armor back on and fight surged through him again, and yet this time he recognized his anger for what it really was and was left undone.

"If there is anything I can do for you, My Lord," Galion began as he watched Thranduil crumbling in on himself like a great fortress worn away by time and unrelenting storm. "Say the word."

"Then enough of this!" Thranduil said firmly as he stood up. "I am not a young ellon to sit about mooning over unrequited love nor is it the be all of my existence. The only thing I ask Galion is that you stay at my side during these dark days and fight for my people against the evil that would see us destroyed."

"I promise, My Lord. " Galion said as he left his chair and knelt before his king. "I am your humble and faithful servant until the unmaking of all things."

\----

  
Thranduil had come to hate leisure time. Were it possible to take it during the day he could have run drills with the army. He could have gone down to the forge and worked on any manner of project or simply assisted with whatever work needed to be done. He could have even gone to the kitchens, though he avoided them as he knew it made the cooks and their assistants nervous having their king underfoot.

There were many people he loved spending time with but asking them to stay into the small hours of the morning was a burden he could not ask of anyone. And he did not want rumors spreading that he was lonely, even if it was sadly true.

He could call Galion in and work. Galion would never complain but Thranduil knew that Galion's burdens were heavy and looked forward to his evening rest. That left Thranduil wandering around his bedroom browsing through a stack of books in the far corner of his room.

Halfway through a rather neglected pile he found a book he had retrieved from his library for Tauriel. It was a book on gardening and it made him smile as he remembered how she told him she wanted a garden.

One memory led to another until he finally moved to his bed so he could sit comfortably and immerse himself in his memories of her. He decided to start at the sad beginning because remembering how he fell in love with her pleased him as much as it hurt.

  
\--

Thranduil remembered well walking out of that cave only to find Tauriel on mourning beside Kili, who was clearly dead. His heart, which even he had thought was long dead, thumped painfully at the sight of her anguish. Up until that moment his anger with her had grown to a point where he doubted it would ever cool. But now, seeing her upon the ground beside her fallen love, all his anger fled and was replaced by sorrow. He knew her suffering far too well. He had stayed at her side, offering what little comfort he could, until Kili's friends game to gather his body.

_"He is their kin, Tauriel," he told her as she cried out to keep him with her when they lifted him from the ground and out of her clinging arms. "Let him go." She turned to Thranduil and buried her face in his chest. It was with great reluctance that he allowed himself to put his arms around her in return. This was not what he needed to be doing. He had a king's duty to see to; an army to gather and the fallen to mourn. It was time to go home. Instead he held her close - rocking her gently as he put his lips to the top of her head._

_When Thranduil finally extracted himself from Tauriel's embrace he told her of his intention to see to his people and ordered her to follow. Her response was a dazed look and then to stand still as he began walking away. He had called for her several times to follow but in the end he had take her by the arm and lead her away._

_He knew the moment he touched her cooling skin that unless she had something to anchor her to this life, that it wouldn't take long for her to fade away. He thought about Tauriel as he had always known her; bold, vibrant, headstrong and brave. He thought it a shame to lose her brilliant light. It hurt him more than he dared admit to think of her passing._

_He decided he would see her brought home and tended to. Out of respect for her desires he attended the funeral for Thorin, Fili, and Kili by her side then put her on a horse and led her along beside him. When they reached his halls it became apparent that she was not going to make an effort to care for herself and so he brought her to his apartment to care for her himself as if she were an abandoned nestling._

_"You may sleep here by the fire," he told her their first evening as he made a bed for her with piles of cushions and fur blankets in his parlor. She offered no reply as her gaze fastened the the flames._

_When he gave her a cup of wine to drink she did little else but hold it as she stared into the fire and so he brought the cup to her lips himself and bade her to drink. He had expected her to fight him but she followed his orders without complaint._

_Thranduil hand fed her honeyed bread from his own hand to her mouth and told her that in the morning he expected her to be up and moving around. He smoothed the hair from her face as he tucked her into the bed and though he was brutally exhausted himself he stayed by her side until she fell asleep._

_He left her then laid himself in his own bed and gratefully closed his eyes. He was weary from battle and the sorrow of so many great losses, and was about to drift into a much needed sleep when Tauriel's scream had him jumping from his bed and running into the parlor with his ever at hand sword drawn._

_"What has happened?" he asked as he found her standing in the middle of the empty room trembling and crying. There was no evidence of intruders, if such were even possible. She looked at him for a moment then shook her head as she covered her mouth with her hands and crumpled against him as he rushed forward to catch her as she teetered._

_"It was a nightmare," Thranduil told her as he rubbed her arms. She nodded her head and he pulled her into a hug, rocking her as she cried._

_"Kili," she whispered. "It was real? He died?"_

_Thranduil stroked her hair. "Yes, it was real. Yes, he died," he answered and she began crying anew._

_"He was trying to defend me," she told him when her tears and sobbing finally slowed. "It is my fault. Were I a better fighter. Were I stronger and faster I could have saved him. I was a fool, My Lord. Over confident in my abilities and nothing when faced with that orc. He would not have overpowered me and Kili would live."_

_"Or perhaps you would have died as well," Thranduil said as he continued to hold her and she continued to shake._

_Tauriel took a deep breath. "Would that have been so bad, My Lord? To die in battle at the side of my beloved? I can hardly imagine something more noble."_

_Thranduil closed his eyes her sentiment so closely echoed his own from so very long ago when his world had first become hot burning sorrow and then cold ashes and before it had become sick with betrayal. At the thought of his own loss he was overcome with a fatigue he felt to his very bones. He wasn't even thinking when he lifted her in his arms and carried her into his bedroom._

_"I cannot sleep here," Tauriel told him as he pulled back the plush blankets on his bed and laid her upon it._

_"And clearly you cannot sleep out there," Thranduil replied as he adjusted the thick fur and velvet blankets. "You need comfort and rest and I need rest. We will both find what we most need here. Now move over." Tauriel made room for her king to lay beside her then rolled toward Thranduil as he lay down and extended his arm to her._

_"Sleep," he told her as she put her head on his chest. "And be comforted. I will allow no nightmares to befall you here." He rubbed circles on her back as she sighed and relaxed against him._

_"Thank you, My Lord," where her last words before she fell into a slumber which outlasted his by several hours._

_After that night she did not leave his apartment for months. He could barely coax her into the small private garden just off his bedroom and admittedly he felt better knowing she was there and not wandering the halls where she could very easily let herself fall to her death._

_Over time, he didn't give much thought to the fact that Tauriel lived with him. He didn't mind her presence and found himself looking forward to going home to her at the end of each day. And though she mourned, she always greeted him as though she too found happiness in his company._

_His personal servants were incredibly loyal and didn't question Tauriel's presence. They showed their acceptance of her when they fed, bathed and clothed her without his order. They let him know when she ate and when she did not. He was pleased that they cared for her and pleased that she let them care for her as he had refused to let them do._

_He never gave a moments consideration that it was inappropriate to share his bed with her each night. She was simply Tauriel living in his personal space, keeping him company, and filling a hole he never thought could or would be filled again. He dreaded the day when she was well enough to live on her own again as much as he looked forward to seeing her well._

_It was Autumn again by the time Thranduil came to the realization that he was in love with her. He was proud that he had managed to find a way to keep her from fading. But, far too often he found himself admiring the beauty of her profile, entranced with the curve of her waist through her nightgown, pleased at the feel of her in his arms, or thrilling at the sound of her voice. With her in his arms he felt complete._

_He loved brushing her hair and telling her stories before they curled up together in his bed. He would hum an old courting love song to her then spend hours watching her closed eyes flutter with dreams that he soothed away when she became restless._

_Thranduil remembered the moment he realized the depths of his feelings for her. She was curled in his arms after a long crying jag where she told him she wished she were dead like her love._

_He had shed tears with her as she knelt down trying to claw at the cold marble floor of his sitting room."But you are alive, Hinanya." Calling her his child felt wrong but he knelt down to comfort her. He tried to imagine for a moment that she had passed into the halls of Mandos when Kili died but instead he found himself happy that she had lived. She was alive and the very thought brought joyful filled tears of relief to his eyes._

_Thranduil swept her up and cradled her in his arms and resisted the urge to shower her with his affection for her, first in the way of kisses and secondly in praise for her being there with him. "You're alive!" he wanted to tell her. "Rejoice my beloved."_

_His thoughts made him pause. His beloved? He nuzzled his face in Tauriel's hair and took a deep breath, reveling in the scent of her. Yes. Yes. His beloved. He loved her. He held her tighter and she thinking the warmth of his arms held nothing but comfort, allowed herself to relax against him as she twined her fingers in his hair._

_Thranduil knew as he rocked her and fought the urge to shower her in kisses that he would never be able to open his heart to her. She would hate him for it. She would run. He would lose her._

_The years stretched by unchanging and Thranduil was happy with the life they had come to share. He hid well his ever deepening love for her and disguised very well his desire for her body._

_When Legolas reached out to repair their relationship then came home to visit -Tauriel had not wanted to see him and so she stayed in their bedroom and read as she waited for Thranduil. And neither of them ever brought up the dreadful topic of her leaving him._

_He sometimes felt the urge to ask her how she felt about him and their life together. The idea of their relationship becoming more was a dear desire of Thranduil's. He lived in fear that he would reach for her in his dreams and in so doing out his need for her, even so he could not deny her a place in his bed._

_On occasion they would argue. Thranduil dreaded those moments. He was certain that one day such an argument would bring the end of Tauriel's time with him and then one dreadful day it did, playing out like one of his own nightmares._

_"I wish Legolas hadn't shown up when he did that wretched day. Death then would have been much easier," Tauriel said one summer evening as they sat in the garden while Thranduil sat barefoot and cross legged as he played the flute for her. His playing only faltered slightly as he lifted his eyes to her face._

_"I am sure you are weary of me and wondering when I will finally take my leave of you." she continued and he stopped playing entirely. "I wonder this myself also."_

_Thranduil placed the flute in his lap and looked down at his hands. He was afraid to meet her eyes for fear she would see the emotion in them. "I have never found myself desiring your departure, Tauriel. You may continue to live here for as long as you wish."_

_"But I am not really alive am I?" Tauriel asked as she ran her fingers along the trunk of the tree she was sitting beside._

_Thranduil moved from his seat and knelt before Tauriel. He looked at her hands in her lap then reached forward and traced the ring on her finger. "Are you unhappy?"_

_"I am neither happy nor unhappy," Tauriel answered as her fingers twitched at his touch. He would not take her hands unless she offered them to him. "I do not feel alive, My Lord. I exist for your presence. When you leave every morning I die and when you return each evening I return again to some semblance of life."_

_Thranduil wanted to tell her that it was the same for him. From the moment they parted he was looking forward to returning to her. She was everything to him. Had she dared to look past her own inward torture she would have seen his love for her on his face._

_"Perhaps you should take up an occupation," Thranduil suggested as he patted her hand lightly hoping she would turn it palm up and grasp his. "Return to life, Tauriel."_

_Tauriel nodded her head. "I have given consideration to such, but what is there for me? I don't want to be a soldier. I am done fighting. I like gardening..."_

_"If gardening is what you wish for I can see you placed in any capacity you would like," Thranduil told her." You can go to work in the gardens by day and come back here where you are comfortable at night."_

_"I wish you had just let me go," she said her voice thick with fatigue and sadness as she pulled her hands from beneath his. "Why did you force me to stay?"_

_Thranduil swallowed hard. He had spoken those very words to Elrond and many others in his bitter and angry moments and their answer to him had been the same, "It would have been a terrible loss to let you fade away. We had already lost so much."_

_"I am a loss even now as we speak!" Tauriel told him angrily as she stood. He watched her walk around the garden. He knew there was nothing he cold say to calm her so he waited patiently for her temper to cool._

_Thranduil returned to the stone bench where he had been sitting earlier and waited for Tauriel to return to her own seat. He picked up his flute and began playing a song, it was one which he had hummed to himself often in the years that Tauriel lived with him as he meant it for her._

_"What is that song?" Tauriel finally asked as she stood behind him._

_"It's an old Quenyan song," Thranduil answered not daring to out himself. "I cannot say where I learned it."_

_"I don't speak Queynan," Tauriel said. "Does it have words in Sindarin or common?"_

_"No," Thranduil answerered then turned to look at her._

_"You must like it. You hum it often," Tauriel continued as she placed a daisy in his hair. Thranduil sat patiently as she put a few more flowers in his hair then walked to stand before him._

_"This is your new summer crown," she said then draped a daisy over his forehead._

_"A crown of daisies?" he asked as he plucked one of the flowers from his hair then examined it before reaching up and sliding it behind Tauriel's ear._

_"Daisy King," she said then smiled and Thranduil's heart warmed as he held her gaze._

_He reached out and took her hand and was about to pull her to sit beside him when she spoke. "Will you sing it to me? I've always wondered about it."_

_Thranduil frowned and shook his head. "It is just a very old song. It is unimportant."_

_"Then sing it, please?" Tauriel begged._

_Thranduil arched one eyebrow as he looked at her. "I cannot sing it to you now, Tauriel."_

_"Fine," Tauriel growled as she pulled out the daisy he'd put behind ear then threw it at him then marched inside._

_Thranduil waited a moment then followed. She was looking through a stack of books as he approached and he knelt down beside her. She ignored him. He leaned close to her ear and began to sing sweetly, his heart thrumming in his throat making it difficult to keep the emotion from his voice:_   
_I sinye úrin sinome ana i elena_   
_Ni tír- tye termáre- er on sina ló_   
_Ni ana n- ara- tye._   
_I elena sinte i ni halda._   
_Ni ana tien i -o i ára._   
_Mime mel an tye ni ana tien ló ap- ló._   
_Ni maquen- an nólë ar saila_   
_Te áv- me estel ve mime hon senda_   
_I elena anne- úqua ana mime ereb fea._   
_Ve te n- i harma -o i wilya_   
_Tye n- i harma -o mime hon_   
_Ve ni am vamme turo- ana raht- tien_   
_Ni am vamme turo- ana raht- tye_   
_Mana i ni nimeár- tye mana na- -esse mime hon_   
_Mana i ni nimeár- tye -o mime melin_

_Tauriel put down the book she was holding then turned to him with tears in her eyes. He folded her in his arms, daring to place a lingering kiss on the top of her head as he wondered how much many of the words she understood._

_"Thank you," she told him and he squeezed her tight and sang the song again with a little more confidence and meaning. When she said nothing he assumed that she could not interpret the song well enough to guess it's meaning._

_She let him tuck her in bed beside him though neither slept. Instead they spoke all night. Tauriel mostly of her childhood and the dreams she had before she came to live in Thranduil's halls and Thranduil did little else but listen._

_He left her early that morning as he was due to run the army through several training drills. She had hugged him tightly before he left and he had patted her head and told her that he would see her early in the evening. She had stunned him by kissing him on the cheek and he left for the the day in a joyous mood._

_When he returned that evening she had gone. She left behind a note of gratitude and telling him it was time for her to take her leave. She wrote that didn't have the courage to tell him farewell to his face. She said she was running away like the coward she was and she hoped he would not be angry with her._

_Thranduil had sat down in his sitting room heavy with desolation and sorrow then threw her letter in the fire and then drunk every last bottle of wine in this apartment. The next morning he had found her ring on his dressing table and he claimed it for his own._

_She then drifted in and out of his life like a ghost, coming to him when her sorrow was too much for her to bare alone, though she rarely spoke and was always gone when he returned from his job as the king. He wanted to beg her to stay, but he never did and so she never did._

Thranduil cursed under his breath as he pushed the memory away. Maybe he should have gone after her. Maybe he should have confessed his feelings. Would it have been so wrong to be selfish and demand she stay with him forever?

He was certain now that she understood the song he had sang to and her departure was a rejection of his confession of love, for that's what the song had always been for him. Or maybe she thought it was something he had sang to his wife and dismissed it. Truly, he didn't know which would be worse.

All he knew is that he wished that he could go back and keep her by his side. He told himself if she returned to stay he wouldn't dream of earning her love. He knew that was a lie.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem is now by me and is utterly ridiculous, I am sorry. Perhaps now I can forge forward with this work.
> 
> Here it is in English:
> 
> The evening sun gives its place to the stars
> 
> I watch you stand alone on this moonless night 
> 
> I yearn to be beside you.
> 
> The stars know the secrets I have hidden.
> 
> I have whispered to them upon the breaking of the dawn.
> 
> My love for you I have confessed to them night after night.
> 
> I have sought their counsel and wisdom
> 
> They deny me solace as my heart denies me peace
> 
> The stars offer no comfort to my lonely fea.
> 
> As they are the jewels of the sky
> 
> You are the jewel of my heart
> 
> As I cannot reach them
> 
> I cannot reach you.
> 
> What that I could tell you what has grown in my heart 
> 
> What that I could tell you the dreams I dream.


	6. Chapter 6

Legolas took the steps up to Tauriel's rooms two at a time then forced himself to stop at the door. He gathered himself together so he looked far more calm and collected than he felt and knocked. He fidgeted for a moment as Arwen opened the door and graced him with a warm smile.

"Good morning, Legolas," she said slowly, as though Legolas had not been summoned from hunting orcs to attend to Tauriel. "You traveled quickly!"

"Is Tauriel well?" he asked with as much courtesy as he could manage. Arwen looked at him a moment, giving him time to further collect himself before stepping aside allow Legolas to enter.

"She is sitting on the balcony. Come in and see for yourself," she said as she gestured for him to follow. Legolas wanted to run but instead he followed Arwen across the room to where Tauriel sat out on the balcony wearing a light blue dress with a yellow shawl draped over her shoulders. He thought she looked beautiful with the autumn sun on her hair, though far more pale than usual.

"My Lord, Legolas," Tauriel said as she stood letting the shawl drop and chuckling as Arwen picked it up and placed it over her shoulders again. She thanked her friend then turned her attention back to Legolas.

"Sit, please," Legolas told her as he took her hands in his and searched her face. "You have been unwell."

Tauriel did as Legolas asked but shook her head. "I am well now. Or I shall be. Forgive me for worrying you." Legolas knelt down before her as she sat. The action was so reminiscent of his father that her breath caught in her throat. If kept his head bent just so, she could almost imagine that he was her king rather than her prince. She resisted the urge to reach out and touch him, to keep him in such a position a moment longer as a wave of homesickness rolled over her.

"Tauriel it is time for you to have your strengthening tea," Arwen said as she walked back onto the balcony holding a steaming cup. The look she wore told Tauriel she was amused by Legolas' attentive behavior and her own reticence and she frowned at her friend in warning as she took the offered cup.

Legolas realized the intimacy he was showing in front of Arwen then blushed and moved from his kneeling position to stand. "How are you Lady Arwen?" he asked politely.

Arwen pushed the cup of tea onto Tauriel's hand then turned to address Legolas. "I am better now that Tauriel is well. She gave all of us a terrible fright. And I'm glad you are here. We can both keep her company now. Being alone is bad for her state of mind."

"And?" Tauriel prodded. She was glad she had something she could distract Arwen with. "What other news do you have to tell?"

"Aragorn has arrived in Rivendell," Arwen answered, her eyes shining with joy which enhanced her beauty so greatly that Tauriel thought of Luthien and tried to imagine she could be more beautiful than her now dear friend.

Legolas' face lit up at the mention of Aragon's name. "He has been in the north far too long. How does he fare?"

"Well," Arwen answered happily. "But you can ask him yourself this evening. He also brought three hobbits along with him."

"Three?" Legolas questioned as his eyebrows arched in surprise. "So there are now four hobbits in Rivendell?"

"Five," Arwen corrected. Legolas' eyebrows rose higher and Tauriel resisted the urge to laugh. "The second came before the three. The second being Bilbo's nephew."

Legolas looked at Tauriel who was sipping her tea. "We are being invaded by the shire," he told her. Both she and Arwen laughed as Legolas grinned at his joke. Though it was strange to have so many Hobbits in Rivendell.

"My adar is calling for a counsel," Arwen stated as she reached out and smoothed the back of Tauriel's hair. "Something serious is afoot but I know not what as he has not chosen to share recent events with me."

Legolas frowned and addressed Tauriel, "Lord Elrond had a habit of discussing everything with his children and the matter had to be extremely serious for him to keep them out of it." Tauriel nodded and gave him a weak smile.   
  
"We will find out soon enough," Legolas said then redirected his attention back to Arwen. "Will he send for Elladan and Elrohir?"

Arwen shook her head. "No. He is pleased they are away. I don't believe he wants them to be a part of this situation, or"

Tauriel gave Arwen a worried look then stood and took her now empty cup inside while Arwen and Legolas followed. "Now that Legolas is here to keep me company you should go see Aragorn," she called over her shoulder.

Arwen shook her head. "No. He is resting and I do not wish to disturb him, but I will leave you to speak to Legolas." She put her hand on Tauriel's shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Thank you," Tauriel replied as she smiled at Arwen who nodded and then turned to bid Legolas good day.

Legolas waited until he was sure Arwen was gone before turning to Tauriel. "Do you need anything?" he asked as his eyes searched her face.

"I need a great many things, Legolas," Tauriel replied as she turned away. "But they are not things that you can simply give me."

Now that they were alone, Legolas took one of her hands in his. "How can I help you, Tauriel? How can I help you be happy?"

Tauriel put her free hand on his face which Legolas leaned into as he closed his eyes. "You are far too good to me mellon nin," she told him as she frowned. "And you deserve better. The best." Legolas continued to lean into her hand with his eyes closed tight.

"You have always been such a good friend, Legolas. The best I could ask for," Tauriel continued as she blinked back tears. "I want you to have better than an elleth with a damaged heart who yearns for someone she cannot be with."

Legolas opened his eyes then lifted his hand and moved several strands of hair from Tauriel's face as a single tear slid from the corner of his eye. "Are you trying to tell me you have decided to sail? Are you unable to recover from your desire to fade?"

"I am not going to sail nor will I fade," she told him then gasped as Legolas surged forward and pressed his lips against hers.

The only other kiss she had ever known was the one she placed on Kili's lifeless lips, so she was taken off guard by the jarring electric sensation that coursed through her whole body as Legolas' mouth slid against hers. Her senses reeled and having not received a rebuff, Legolas pressed closer.

"I love you, Tauriel," he told her as he pulled away and looked into her eyes. "Perhaps I am not Kili but I am alive and I can make you happy if you will give me the chance." Tauriel opened and closed her mouth unsure what to say when Legolas removed himself from their embrace then walked across the room to stand at the window while she struggled for a response.

"I think you should find someone who can respond to your kisses as you deserve," Tauriel finally said once her pulse had slowed and her thoughts reorganized themselves. "Someone who can delight in them, you, and all the love you have to give."

Legolas turned to look at Tauriel his expression broken. "You felt nothing?"

"I was surprised," Tauriel answered not daring to look at Legolas. "And it was pleasing, but I cannot give you what you need. I will not see you destroy yourself trying to make me happy. I love you far too much to allow that."

Legolas sighed as he rubbed his forehead in frustration. "I have longed to hear you say you love me, but when you finally do, it is because your love for me is not as mine is for you." His face reflected so much of his anguish that Tauriel wanted to take back her words. She wanted to tell him that she did love him and that maybe he could make her happy, though she knew such words were born from a desire to not see her dear friend in such pain. She cared for him far too much to allow herself to delude him with such a pretty lie.

"I am very sorry," Tauriel began and he held up his hand to gently silence her.

"You do not need to apologize for your feelings," Legolas told her as he turned his head away. "After all, we are friends and I would like to think that such a bond is too deep to be broken by a few unwanted feelings."

"Do not speak as though your feelings are of no consequence or that your love is not valuable, Legolas," Tauriel told him as she moved to stand beside him. "It breaks my heart that I cannot return your feelings. I want you to have everything and that is not something I am capable of giving."

Legolas turned to look at her. "Do you think, had you not met Kili, or if I had confessed my feelings earlier, that perhaps you could have loved me?"

Tauriel smiled and nodded her head for she was more than certain had things been different she could have loved him very much. "I am certain of it."

Legolas sighed deeply then pulled her into a tight hug. "Then tell me how I can help you be happy again Tauriel. If I cannot share your life as your husband then it will have to be as your friend. Tell me what, if there is anything, I can do. I desire to see the light in your eyes again."

Tauriel returned Legolas' embrace wholeheartedly. "I ask only that you yourself find happiness and within that I perhaps I can find a measure of it for myself."

"I will do my best to honor your request," Legolas said then kissed her forehead then drew away.

"You are pale," he told her as he put one hand on her shoulder.

"I tire easily," Tauriel replied as she returned to her seat. She noted that he did not follow.

"Perhaps I should leave you to rest," he said and Tauriel nodded knowing that he would stay if she asked. She also knew him well enough to know that he needed time alone to deal with his own emotions and hurt.

"A nap sounds nice," she said then gave him a weak smile.

Legolas bent and kissed her on the top of the head one last time. "Send for me should you need anything. Rest well, mellon nin."

Tauriel waited until she was sure he was gone then made her way to her bed and fell into a heavy slumber where she dreamed of Thranduil and not Kili as she wished.   
\---

"How is your nephew?" Tauriel asked Bilbo as she sat with him late that afternoon. She had taken to sitting with him while the musicians prepared to play for evening dancing, though she had been too ill to do so the last few days.

Bilbo looked up from his pipe and nodded. "He is well as can be expected under the circumstances, but he will recover. I hear you've not been very well yourself. Should you be out in the Autumn chill?"

"I have recovered," Tauriel answered. "I would have been here yesterday but Arwen insisted I stay abed just one more day."

Bilbo gave her a thoughtful look as he took several puffs on his pipe then noticed the stone in her hand. "Is that Kili's rune" he asked as his eyes lit up. "May I see it?" Tauriel opened her hand and showed it to Bilbo who frowned as he picked it up and examined it.

"Did you not give this to Balin to return to Kili's mother?" he asked as he placed it back in Tauriel's open palm.

Tauriel tucked the stone back in her pocket. "I did," she answered.

Bilbo gave her a questioning look. "I can't imagine Kili and Fili's mother being willing to part with it. How did you come by it?"

"She gave it to me," Tauriel answered eyes took on a far away look and Bilbo sat quietly as she drifted into memory.

_One summer day after wandering out into the forest she remembered Thranduil offering to take her to see Kili's final resting place. She set out that very day as she was overcome with the desperate need to be close to her lost love._

_She was surprised that though they stared at her, not one dwarf approached nor tried to stop her as she made her way to where Kili lie. She had spent several hours sitting by his tomb when a dwarf approached._

_"You are Tauriel?" she was asked._

_"Yes," Tauriel answered warily as the dwarf sat beside her._

_"I am Fili and Kili's mother, Dís," the dwarf began. "I have heard stories of my youngest son's affinity for you."_

_Tauriel swallowed hard as she nodded her head and looked at Kili's mother, trying to find some bit of him in her apperance. "And I also had an affinity for him."_

_Dís hummed to herself as she looked Tauriel up and down. "Kili always love beauty and you are very beautiful. I can see why he fell for you."_

_"He was very beautiful himself," Tauriel replied and Dís smiled sadly._

_"Yes, my beautiful boy. It broke... It broke my heart to lose him and Fili."_

_"Mine too," Tauriel replied as she watched Dís who was reaching into in her pocket. "I am very sorry for your loss. I am sorry I was not fast nor strong enough to save him."_

  
_"I hear you are responsible for making sure this got back to me," Dís said as she produced Kili's rune from her pocket._

_"H-he had given it to me," Tauriel said as she looked at the stone. "As a promise." She bit her lip to keep herself from sobbing as seeing the stone for the first time in so long brought her back to the moment Kili had placed it in her hand. Dís moved and held Tauriel as they both cried, mourning Kili's death and it was sometime before they were able to speak again._

_"I believe," Dís said as she pushed the rune into Tauriel's hand. "That this belongs to you."_

_Tauriel's eyes widened as she looked at the rune. "I could never take this from you," she told Kili's mother. "It was a promise to you. Not to me."_

_"An unfulfilled promise to us both," Dís said. "I have plenty of memories of Kili. Tell me, what do you have?"_

_"Nothing," Tauriel said as she closed her fingers over the rune. "I have nothing of him but never fading memories."_

_"Then keep it and remember him well. It is in your memory that my son can live forever," Dís told her before taking her leave._

 

Bilbo took several puffs of his pipe as Tauriel spoke again, "She was very kind. She invited me for a meal but I did not wish to cause trouble for her. I left shortly after that."

"I'm glad she gave it to you," Bilbo said as the smoke from his pipe wound around them. "I can see it gives you strength."

Tauriel smiled sadly. "It does." The rune helped give her the strength to leave Thranduil's halls for good and make a home in the wood. It was her ward against her love for her king, a protection Kili had left her which she was immensely grateful for.  
Bilbo took several puffs on his pipe as he watched Tauriel drift away into memory once more.  
  
_Thranduil took her in after Kili died and became the center of her life. He was her shelter and comfort from sorrow. He was her dearest friend in those dark days and while she hated him for keeping her from joining Kili, she also loved him for it._

_Tauriel had been in a bad mood that final evening as she sat in the garden listening to Thranduil play the song he had hummed to her consistently over the years on the flute. She watched her beautiful king sit cross legged, with bare feet and his eyes closed, while he put his heart into playing the song._

_The look on his face as he played was such an intimate expression of his emotions that it suddenly struck her how inappropriate it was of her to even be standing in his garden let alone sharing his bed each night, no matter how innocent it was. It was wrong of her to intrude on his life, and in that moment she became aware of how long she had been living in his private chambers, selfishly taking up all of his private time for herself._

_She began feeling angry for taking advantage of him. He had stopped playing and was watching her as her mood deteriorated. Finally she asked him about the song he sang, for it was a tune he hummed often and one she did not know the words for, though the tune was now very familiar._   
_Tauriel had not wanted to ask about the song. She was afraid to hear that it was something he sang in memory of his lost love, his wife. Today she need to hear it. She needed to know that Thranduil loved someone else as she loved someone else. That comfort from their grief was the reason he allowed her to stay with him. She swallowed the jealousy rising up from her throat which bubbled over into anger as he refused to answer her question._

_She felt in that moment like a spoiled child, but then wasn't that what she had become? Thranduil's spoiled child? He fed her, clothed her, and gave her anything she asked for and in return she was rude. She cursed at him for refusing to tell her the words to his song then fled from him. Unfortunately she had no where to go but their room._

_Tauriel busied herself by looking for a book to read before bed so she wouldn't feel the urge to lay and speak with him all night. He approached and knelt beside her as she sorted through books she'd already read. Chills stippled her skin as he leaned so his lips almost brushed her ear as he sang the song she had demanded to hear. She understood a few of the Quenyan words but not enough to glean the meaning of the song._

_As he finished singing and moved away from her Tauriel looked into his ice blue eyes and finally realized what had been vexing her for the past few days. She loved him, not as a father, guardian, or comforter, but as an ellon. She was in love with him, utterly and completely. How had it happened without her realizing it?_

_She had already committed treason once by threatening his life and now she had betrayed him yet again by falling in love with him, not to mention betraying Kili's memory. How horrified would he be if he knew?_   
_Tauriel made herself sick with her selfishness and her only recourse, other than running away, was to throw her arms around him as he awaited her response to his singing. His arms came around her and she felt she was home even though she had no right to._

_It was later, while they lay in bed talking, that she he realized she had to leave him. He had already given so much and now she desired something more, something which he couldn't give. His tending of her had been so innocent and kind and she dirtied it. Then there was the matter of his wife! How angry would she be if Tauriel ever found herself lucky enough to meet her in Aman?_

_Tauriel then thought of Kili. Did she not love him? If she did, how could she possibly feel the way she now did for her king? She hated herself for what she saw as faithlessness._

_It had been so difficult leaving Thranduil. In the beginning she had wandered his halls filled with fresh grief, half fearing and half hoping that he would come for her and bring her back home. She felt dead inside and so alone and worse she missed Thranduil far more than she ever had Kili._

 

Bilbo patted her leg to get her attention and she blinked in surprise as she pulled herself out of her memories. "One of the musicians is approaching," Bilbo told her apologetically. "I didn't think you'd want to be caught woolgathering by someone you didn't know."

"Thank you," Tauriel said as she turned to the elleth with chestnut hair and grey eyes who sat beside her.

"Good evening, Mr. Bilbo," she said then looked at Tauriel. "Good evening. I am Linnor, I sing and play the flute each night."

"This is Lady Tauriel of Mirkwood," Bilbo said as he introduced Tauriel to Linnor who bowed in deference."

"I am just Tauriel," Tauriel said feeling a little embarrassed. She wanted to tell Linnor she was no one of any consequence but Bilbo stopped her with another pat to her leg.

"So, Lady Linnor, you wish to play a Hobbit song for me?" Bilbo asked his eyes shining with happiness.

Linnor smiled and nodded her head once. "We are honored that you and Lady Tauriel are often here to observe our practice. We would like to play a song for each of you."

Biblo grinned gleefully and told Linnor his preferred song and she smiled. "Again, Mr. Bilbo?"

"Of course," he answered then looked at Tauriel. "It is an old working song that I've always loved. I had to teach it to Linnor and her friends and I must say it has become a favorite of theirs. I have caught them playing it on more than one occasion without request."

Linnor chuckled. "It is a joyous and wonderful song which we enjoy playing a great deal."

Bilbo grinned. "You'll soon hear, Tauriel, that Hobbit songs are the best songs."

"Lady Tauriel?" Linnor asked. "Is there a song you would like to request?"

Tauriel swallowed hard. She had questioned Arwen about the song Thranduil had sung the tune to her. Unfortunately, Arwen had never heard it before and was certain that a dedicated musician would be able to help her. This was her opportunity to solve a mystery.

"I don't know the name of the song or even the words," Tauriel answered. "I have only heard it sung in Quenyan once. I do not know if you will know it."

Linnor moved close to Tauriel and said. "If I do not then my brother, Talagan will. He is a collector of rare songs. Go head and sing what you know."

Tauriel shyly hummed the song after which Linnor shook her head in bewilderment. "I have no knowledge of that tune. Let me get Talagan."

"Oh no," Tauriel said as Linnor signaled to her brother. "There is no need to put yourself through the trouble." She suddenly wished she had never mentioned the song.

"Talagan," Linnor called. "Come listen to this song and tell us if you recognize it. If not you'll have a new song to hunt down and play." Talagan put down his violin and approached.

"Sing it again," Linnor urged and Tauriel swallowed hard. She began to feel that perhaps it was better to keep the song to herself, especially if it wasn't well known. Would singing it give away it's origins?

"Please?" Talagan asked as he knelt down beside Tauriel. "You can sing it very softly to me if you are shy."

"She doesn't know the words," Linnor said then turned to Tauriel. "Do you remember any of the words in Quenyan?"

Talagan's eyes brightened. "I love Quenyan songs."

"I don't know Quenyan," Tauriel replied then took a deep breath, looked at her hands, and hummed the song as quickly as possible. When she looked up at Talagan it was to find he had blushed bright red from his cheeks to the tip of his ears.

Linnor was watching him with wide eyes. "Is it a bad song?" she asked.

"No," Talagan said as he put on hand to his heated cheek. He turned his attention to Tauriel. "It is a very beautiful and moving song. Though it is not one I would dare sing to a crowd."

"I'm sorry if I have offended you," she said while her heart sank down to her feet.

Talagan shook his head. "There is no offense. It is simply a song someone would sing to their intended lover in private." It was now Tauriel's turn to blush.

"In private?" Linnor asked in excitement. "Then how does anyone ever learn such a song?"

"There are ways," Talagan said to his sister as he smiled.

"Do you sing it to, Remil?" she teased.

Talagan shook his head. "No, dear sister it is not a song a husband sings to his wife. It is a song of longing. A song of unrequited love. A confession." He looked at Tauriel. "Someone sang it to you?"

Tauriel opened and closed her mouth. "I am sure it wasn't meant in such a context."

Talagan frowned. "One does not sing something like that to another idly. Do you wish to hear it?" He turned to his sister. "Grab my lute and I will give her the words."

"You don't have to," Tauriel told him as he took Linnor's place beside her.

"You did not understand the meaning or intent of the song when it was sung to you?" Talagan asked. "You really deserve to know the intent behind it so you know how to act accordingly."

"I think he would prefer that I didn't understand it at all or else he would have told me what the song was about," Tauriel countered and Talgan shook his head as he smiled.

"Not everyone has an easy time confessing their emotion to their heart's desire. Your would be suitor was likely certain of your rejection." Talagan smiled sadly and sighed as if it was his own heart being rejected. "And would you have? Rejected him?

"I-I don't know," Tauriel answered. She truly doubted Thranduil meant to tell her that he had feelings for ther through a song. It was probably just a tune he liked.

"Well," Talagan continued, "I can understand another wanting to confess love for someone without having to pay the price of exposure." Linnor passed him his lute and he very softly sang the song in common which left Tauriel feeling stunned.

"Oh!" Linnor said happily as she clapped. "The ellon who gave you this song is in love with you, Lady Tauriel! Who is he? You must at the very least put him out of his misery. I cannot even imagine how dearly it must hurt to love someone in secret."

Tauriel opened and closed her mouth then remembered how Thranduil had leaned close and softly sang the song against her ear. Her heart did several hard thumps in her chest and she reached for the rune in her pocket hoping that her feelings for Kili would again protect her but found that the stone had now lost it's power.

"Who is he?" Linnor asked excitedly. "Perhaps we can find him and...."

"Linnor," Talagan scolded. "This is not our business."

"But,' Linnor began then stopped at the warning look her brother gave her.

"He is not in Rivendell," Tauriel answered. She was beginning to feel very embarrassed and wanted nothing more than to get away from Linnor, Talagan and even Bilbo.

"Hey now," Bilbo said. "I thought you were going to play a song for us." He grinned and patted Tauriel's arm.

"Yes," Talagan said as he pulled his sister along with him. "Let's play Bilbo's song."

"Thank you," Tauriel said after the musician's had departed and Bilbo gave her a sad look.

"I'm thinking it wasn't Legolas who sang that song to you hmm?" Bilbo asked.

"No," Tauriel said then frowned. "How do you know about Legolas?"

Bilbo chuckled. "I don't miss much. So do you care for him? The elf who sang to you?"

Tauriel shook her head. "I don't want to."

"But you do."

"Yes," Tauriel answered.

Bilbo was silent for awhile while he puffed on his pipe. "I was never one for romance," he finally said. "But I am of the firm belief that in such situations it is best to be honest. You be clear about your feelings. Don't lie to yourself, Tauriel"

"I will try not to," Tauriel said as she stood. "I need to be alone to think. If you see Legolas will you tell him I went to my room?"

Bilbo gave her a sad look then nodded his head. "Of course, Lady Tauriel. Have a good evening." Tauriel thanked him then fled.

\--

Tauriel wiped the tears from her eyes as she opened the door to Legolas who regarded her with a worried expression as she let him in. He wanted to ask why she had been crying but knew she would tell him if she wished to share.

"Have you eaten today?" she asked. "Can I get you anything?" Legolas shook his head and Tauriel frowned.

"Is something wrong?" she questioned and he sighed heavily as he sat in the nearest chair.

"I am going on a quest," he told her. "And I don't know when or if I will be returning."

"When do you leave?" Tauriel asked as she sat beside him and took his hand.

Legolas lifted her hand and kissed it gently. "In a few days. Aragorn is coming with me."

Tauriel winced. "Arwen will be unhappy to be parting with him again."

"It is a very dangerous mission with little chance of success," Legolas said then told her about the one ring and the fellowship's mission to destroy it.

"You will return," she told him with certainty. "You are Legolas son of Thranduil. "There is no other option. Darkness will be defeated because there is no other option."

"Your optimism is heartening," Legolas said as he smiled at her.

"And I am going to return to your father's halls," Tauriel said as she lifted her chin. "It is where I belong."

Legolas frowned and shook his head as he grabbed Tauriel's hands. "If we fail, this world has no place for either you or Arwen. I would rather you take the opportunity to sail now and be safe than stay here and risk..."

"No," Tauriel said firmly. "I will not run away with my tail between my legs. I have had quite enough of this cowardice. If you and your fellowship are to fight then I shall also, in your name, Lord Legolas."

"In my name hmm?" Legolas asked in amusement and Tauriel smiled in response.

"Princess Legolas?" He teased then stopped then gave her an odd look.

"Not Princess," he said as his eyes took on a far away look. "Queen Tauriel. You are going to fight for Mirkwood as queen." He pulled out of his sudden daze and looked into her eyes and found the truth of the statement there.

"How long have you loved him?" he asked suddenly and Tauriel's face heated.

"Whether or not I love him is irrelevant. It is whether or not he loves me which is the matter at hand. I truly doubt he does. He loved your mother after all."

"How long?" Legolas repeated firmly as he forced her to look at him.

"I don't know," Tauriel answered as she continued to blush. "Does it matter?"

"Why did you agree to come with me?" he asked angrily. "Why did you agree to let me court you if you knew your heart belonged to my father?" Tauriel closed her eyes and shook her head, unable to answer Legolas' question or bare the anger in his voice.  
  
Legolas paused to gain control of his emotions before speaking again, "My father, Tauriel? Of all the people you could fall in love with, why him? If you could get over Kili then why not fall in love with me instead?" He squeezed his eyes shut tight and leaned forward.

Tauriel stood and began to walk around the room. She couldn't bring herself to look at Legolas as he suffered. "You speak as if my heart has ever given me a choice about whom I should love. It never has Legolas. It betrays me with every beat."

Legolas gave her a pitying look. "I'm sorry, Tauriel. I shouldn't be so angry. I know how it feels to love someone who cannot possibly love you in return." His eyebrows furrowed. "And yet.. and yet I think he does."

"He loves me as I love you," Tauriel replied feeling weak and suddenly very tired. "As a child to look after maybe." Or maybe more. She refused to fool herself into believing that the song he had sung for her meant anything.

"No," Legolas said. "I believe my vision is true. You need to go to him, Tauri. He's going to need you." He sighed heavily as if the weight of the world suddenly rested on his shoulders.

Tauriel shook her head. "If what you say is true. Do you approve?"

Legolas winced then put his palm to his face in an effort to hide his pained expression. "Does it really matter?"

"Of course it matters!" Tauriel replied as she watched him carefully.

Legolas laughed bitterly as he looked up at the ceiling. "The elleth I love is in love with my father and I am expected to give my blessing on such a union. You do ask a lot of me Tauriel."

"I'm sorry," Tauriel told him as she looked down and blinked away her tears. "I would change it all if I had my way."

Legolas growled angrily as he stood and paced around the room. Tauriel watched him and thought how like his father he was. It was slightly amusing and she had to stop herself from smiling.

Legolas stopped pacing and turned to her. "Eru expects me to be incredibly understanding. First, of my father's coldness and demands on me. Then, of the elleth I love loving anyone but me and expecting my support of it. Do you not think it is a lot to ask of one mere ellon?"

Tauriel took a deep breath. "I find that even after all I have been through I am not a terribly wise, elleth, but I think, Legolas, that you are no mere ellon. You are special. You always have been."

"It heartens me that you believe in me so well," Legolas said as he walked to the fireplace and watched the flames dance rather than look at her.

Tauriel moved to stand beside him. "You are angry at me."

"No," Legolas said as he put his arm around her and hugged her tight. "I am not angry at you, nor am I angry at my father. I know the last thing you would do is hurt me intentionally."

"And yet I have hurt you," Tauriel said as she put her forehead on his shoulder and wept. "I am so very sorry, Legolas."

"As you would have me happy, I would have you happy," he told her as he held her. "Let us spend the next few days together. I want us to part as the good close friends we have always been and will always be." Tauriel sniffled and nodded her head as she pulled back and looked at Legolas. He smiled at her then tweaked her nose then laughed as she pushed away from him.

"I suppose Arwen will be with her Aragorn. Do you want to go out to the common and spend the evening dancing?" Tauriel asked then laughed as Legolas gave her a look of mock disgust.

"Why don't you come with me to the armory instead," Legolas suggested. "I think I need to have my daggers sharped and maybe I can coax you into picking something for yourself. If you are going back to my father's halls, you will need it."

 


End file.
